If you are in the process of divorcing, there is a solution to all the emotional pain that can be overwhelming. So, what is the best way to deal with the seemingly never ending emotional assaults?
The answer may surprise you. It is the attitude of gratitude. Gratitude can be like a salve applied gingerly to an open wound. It is meant to heal and protect you from the ravages of being hurt by your former spouse. A protective covering that can sooth your emotions and even give you a sense of peace.
You might be thinking, I feel so devastated, I can’t imagine feeling peace ever again! or Good riddance! I’m so glad to be done with this marriage! Both responses suggest you’re harboring resentment and anger. In both cases, you feel hurt and are grieving in your own way.
Grieving is normal and must be gone through for optimal mental health. You can allow yourself to have a reprieve from the grief by intentionally allowing yourself to focus on the things for which you are grateful.
Even though you may not feel it at first, there are many blessings to be grateful for while recovering from divorce: freedom from conflict with your former spouse; freedom to make your own decisions; the ability to decorate however you want; a positive model for your kids that it is not healthy to stay in a toxic marriage; the opportunity to parent your children the way you want to when they are at your house; the occasion to learn how supportive friends and family can be.
You also have an opportunity to evaluate your former relationships. Is there a pattern you followed that resulted in not-so-healthy relationships? These patterns, once identified, are information you can use in the future to avoid making the same relationship mistakes.
Many times the grief of divorce is not about the person you are leaving, but rather the loss of the idealized family life you wanted. For lots of reasons, many people long for a “traditional marriage” with a mom, dad, and kids that live “happily ever after.” The realization that this dream will not be happening can be devastating. But it can also open up opportunities for finding a new life, and the right partner for you and your kids.
Believe you can heal from your divorce. Harboring hurt, resentment and anger for long periods of time only hurts you –not your ex – and prevents you from embracing the new life you can create. So do yourself a favor and nurture an attitude of gratitude for everything — however small. You deserve to thrive as a newly single person. And pretty soon, you will see the signs that you are ready to move on:
- You’ve let go of your anger and embraced your new life
- You’ve spent time on yourself and you like who you are
- You know what you want – and don’t want – from your next relationship
When you are ready, where do you begin? Our friends at eHarmony know that jumping back into the world of dating after divorce can be daunting. That’s why they have developed an in depth, step-by-step process designed to help you communicate with prospective partners and match you on deep levels of compatibility.
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Republished from eHarmony Advice: Thanks for The Divorce!? How Gratitude Can Help You Heal
I lived in a sexless marriage for many years.
I lost my self esteem and felt very alone.
Divorced now after 40 years.
Time does heal