Two weeks ago I was crying over my Earl Grey regarding aspects of my daily life…i.e. the leaking kitchen faucet.
I was hesitant to call the plumber that installed the faucet because he asked me out and hit on me during the entire installation. The compliment is nice, but mentally, I am nowhere near ready to venture into the world of dating as a (soon to be) divorced woman. I need to figure out this single motherhood thing out first.
I sucked it up and called the dude up cause I need a working faucet. During the trouble visit he takes apart the faucet and 10 minutes and $70 (talked down from $98) later, the faucet is fixed. WTF!!! He of course asked me out again. Talk about persistence! The art of the turn down is becoming a skill.
Literally four (4) days later, I turn the water on and nothing. I hear it, but where the hell is it going. It is flooding underneath the cabinet. SHIT!!! I have two options:
- Call dude again and then wonder if he thinks I am purposefully breaking faucet so he can come over again.
- Fix this sucker myself.
I choose option #2. This plumbing thing is not rocket science, plus Google is my back up plan. I can do this. So I started with cleaning everything out and getting rid of the water.
Thankfully kiddo was preoccupied elsewhere and did not see this as new toys. And this is how it was for majority of the day. It needed to air dry. Finally, after a trip to Target (not wise with Kiddo whose nap was too short and forgetting his blanket), frustrations with faucet head, and stupid weight thingy for sprayer, faucet is fixed. Here is the final product with problem fixed and under sink organized.
What did I learn through this ordeal? Instead of getting overwhelmed with a situation, chances are if I step back from it for a bit, the solution is not as difficult as it seems.
I had issues with my faucet and my car in the last two weeks, but in both situations, I made the issues a catastrophe in my mind. I was overwhelmed by the immediacy of the problem. Both issues were small in the big scheme of things in the end.
This correlates with my feelings regarding my pending divorce. I was overwhelmed with all the many aspects involved with a divorce. It was too much to process all at once. Let alone all the paperwork involved.
With the help of a mediator, we have completed all court-required documents, child custody agreements, child support, and division of marital property. Looking back now it was not as all encompassing as I thought it was. Also, we kept many financial aspects of our lives separate, thus not much headache to separate now.
So this month of “air drying” as we wait for our appointment with the courts, I have had time to think about my marriage. I can finally say (at least at this exact moment) that this divorce is not the end of my world as I thought. I gave Pap too much credit. There were many things that I just did not get in our relationship. I have/had settled for less. I was (am) married to an emotionally unavailable man. I kept telling myself it would get better and he will finally feel the intimacy needed for him to share himself. I was wrong.
Thanks to the Good Men Project I do not think it is my responsibility for Pap’s internal happiness. I cannot help him with the shame and guilt he feels (that’s what happens when you cheat on your pregnant wife). I cannot help him with the emotional walls he has constructed. I tried for too long, thinking it was my responsibility as a wife to allow certain things to slide as he choose to stay in his emotionally stunted state. I most likely helped prevent his emotional growth. Thanks to this this site, I recognize that there are men out there who confront issues, are emotionally available, vulnerable, and communicate with honesty.
So one day, I will be ready to venture into the world of dating, but for now I am still soaking in divorce and need time to air dry.