In the beginning, he always said the right thing. He was kind, generous and charming. Your friends and family liked him. He loved doing things for you.
Ah yes, he was quite the smooth talker. Little did you know he wore a coat of many colors. Things were probably okay in the early months of your marriage. At first, you caught him in the occasional small lie.
No big deal, everyone lies now and then, right? Over the years, it became a habit, growing into a daily argument starter. It was not long before you noticed how he had different subtle personalities he used on each person he was lying to.
It got to the point that if he was talking, you knew he was lying. He laughed when you offered to buy him a pocket size notebook to jot down his lies in so he could keep them straight. The lying was no big deal to him. He didn’t think the lies hurt anyone.
It has started to feel like he thinks your marriage is just one big joke. You have gone from being his wife to feeling like you slowly transformed into also being his mother. The more you bring up his inability to tell the truth, the more he lies to you. Every day you ask yourself, why can’t he be honest with me? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t he stop lying?
It’s not like everyone else hasn’t noticed. The children, his boss, your parents, friends and, of course, his entire family all know. They don’t look at you and think, why doesn’t she punish him? After all, you’re his wife, not his mom. It’s more likely they sympathize with what you’re going through.
Beating yourself up about his pathological lying is fruitless. It’s not your fault. We are all responsible for our own actions. Just because you married him for better or for worse doesn’t mean you have to continue holding yourself accountable for what he does and says.
Stop going behind him making excuses to people about his lies. Don’t be an enabler. If he forgets which lie he told his boss about why he was late to work a couple weeks ago, don’t remind him. Let him stick his foot in his mouth. When he uses the same lie, again and again, to get out of taking the kids to a movie, just sit back and patiently watch.
Nobody likes being repeatedly lied to. It’s only a matter of time until the kids and his boss tire of his behavior, too. It’s time he starts to act his age. Let him dig his own way out of all the messes he has created. More than likely his lying will lead to his downfall. He will probably get fired multiple times, nobody willing to put up with his pathological lying. This repeats until he no longer bothers applying for jobs anymore.
By this time, you have had your fill of his lies, too. His entire life revolves around his tall tales and you know the time has come to make a decision. If you’re done with his forked tongue hurting you and your children, then you need to ask yourself, do I want to spend the rest of my life living a lie with this man?
Once he realizes you’re ready to walk away, he may temporarily revert back to being the kind and charming man you fell in love with. Just remember, it’s likely that man never really existed. You deserve a man that wants to build a life with you that is not based on a lie.
Cringing. Oh my gosh how absolutely horrible.