I knew it was coming. The Divorce Trigger. The one thing that would flood my brain with all the memories of when it was good, the one thing that would make me cry.
Let me set the scene: It was the best of times, it was the worse of times….just kidding. I was at work, listening to my Pandora shuffle (did I tell you how much I love it). Then I heard the first few notes and I knew. Damn you, Pandora.
My wedding song came on. Time stopped. Everyone in my cubical hell faded away. I put in the other ear bud and stared at my computer screen.
I visualized my wedding. We had a destination wedding in Dominican Republic. I could practically feel the wind. It was so damn windy, ruined my planned hairstyle. I spaced out and listened to the words and my mind replayed that night. The tears started to build.
I did not skip the song. I sat there in that emotion. I sat there with those memories. I did not want to ignore what I was feeling. I was prepared. I knew it would happen. I just did not know the time or location. I grabbed a Kleenex to catch my tears. I turned the volume up.
It hurt. But I lived. I am not crushed. My day was not ruined. Once the song was complete, I grabbed two more tissues and went to the handicap stall in the restroom and cried. The body shake silent cry.
I did not want deny this feeling. I was living in my moment. My failed marriage and all those memories brought on with a simple little song.
I composed myself and wiped my tears away.
I went back to my desk, put one ear bud back in my ear and hit play. A song by Journey was next and all was right again in the universe.
Roll out down to midnight
Then roll on downtown ’til it’s light
Because tomorrow we may die
Oh, but tonight we’re dancing in the faint light
Don’t you rob yourself of what you’re feeling
Don’t rob yourself of all that you could be
Roll hard ’til midnight
Roll ’til it’s light
Come on now
Stay up and make some memories
Yeah, with us now
Roll the red carpet out with friends
To whom, to love and roll on
Our love is so right
I won’t waste a minute here tonight
Our love is so right
And tonight my dance is all about you
To midnight love you,
Roll on and run the red lights
You know the game now is keep it tight
Oh, how I love your pretty rock-roll kisses
Come on and stay with me
Roll on and run the red lights
Come on, this love is so right
Stay up and make some memories
Yeah, with us now
To roll the red carpet out with friends
Oh, to love and roll on now
Our love is so right
I can taste
We’re in it here tonight
Our love is so right
And tonight my dance
Is all about you
I’m going crazy
And it’s all ’cause of you (it’s all ’cause of you)
I’m going under, over you, over you…
This time is so alive
Everybody’s tranced, dancing tonight
Oh so beautiful, and so strange
Oh, it was empty until you came…
Our love is so right
Forget the clouds that rain on your light
Our love is so right
I’ll not forget how you look right now
Our love is so right
Remember let’s just move together
Our love is so right
I swear it would last forever
Our love is so right
Forget the clouds that rain down on you
Our love is so right…
SONGWRITERS GLEN BALLARD;DAVID MATTHEWS
Peace out,
Moxie
Update: I have listened to this song 10+ times since yesterday. I have taken its negative power away. I have it on in the background now and actually did a little dance to it. Pap took enough from me, he is not taking my love of this song also!
Awesome post and an equally awesome song! (DMB is one of my favorites and this tune is best full blast or in the ear buds). Feeling the pain isn’t easy, I admire you courage for letting it out when it comes.
Hello LT,
Thanks for the kind words. I LOVE DMB (playing Tim and Dave via youtube/appletv now)!
Nope, the pain is not easy. I was tired of being angry. I did not want to be that bitter woman. It has been a hard struggle and lots of internal work, but slowly I see the changes in me and that makes me happy. I strive for happy.
Take care.
Love that you took the negative power away. That is so important. Take control and own it. It is your life now.
Hey BW,
Sorry for delayed response.
Some days are easier than others.
Thanks for the comment.
Peace, MC