Whew, the kiddo is asleep at the moment. Let’s see how much I can write before he wakes up.
Life has decided to go in fast-forward at the moment. I need a moment to slow down and re-group.
I completed my divorce rebuilders group. It was a bit of money, but in the end it was worth it. I have learned so much about how to choose better, communicate better in my future relationships and learned more about myself.
The job situation…it is getting the bills paid! Am I thrilled and excited to walk to my windowless cubical five days a week…that would be a No. But it is serving its purpose. Plus, the saying is it is easier to find another job when you have a job already. I have been half-ass on the job search, but slowly ramping the search up again.
Last week was my birthday week (40 and fab-u-lous) and it started Sunday with a wake up call and a reminder as to why I am divorced. I lost my phone on Saturday night. Momma was working on getting her groove back (that is a totally different post).
Sunday morning I realize that the phone is truly gone and I did not leave at the bar. I do “find my phone app” and literally watched live where my phone was going. The person who took my phone did not return it. Biotches! Seriously, it was an iPhone that is not even manufactured anymore.
Anyhoo… Pap drops off Kiddo that morning and I ask to use his phone because a friend was having her birthday celebration and I wanted to let her know what time I would get there and that I lost my phone. MISTAKE, MISTAKE, MISTAKE. I type the area code and a picture of Skank pops up on the phone. Not just any picture, but a skankalious selfie in bed. My brain went empty. The phone felt hot and I wanted to immediately drop it.
Pap of course says he does not know why that photo came up. Whatever, dude!! He wants me to use phone to call friend anyhow. At this point, I think that cell phone is the dirtiest, nastiest thing in the world and never want to touch again.
I move on and try to ignore the rush of emotions that are now flowing through me. I smile and act like nothing is wrong. Pap plays with Kiddo as I get back on computer to track my phone. Then it hits. They are still together. GD assholes!!
I was mad, but why, we are divorced. I was hurt, but why, we are divorced. I felt betrayed again, but why, we are divorced. I cried, because we are divorced.
- The Kid woke up at this point. It is now a couple days later. The vibe of what I was writing is totally gone.
In short, seeing that lovely photo changed my mood for the next few days. Thankfully, I have moved on. I am now around 70/30 of “yep, glad we are divorced and nope, don’t want your cheating ass back.
I needed that wake up call. Pap and I were getting comfortable, a little too comfortable. I was letting my guard down and that was not a good thing. Everything happens for a reason. That reason was to tell me “woman, move on, this is not the man for you. Ignore the fact that you two are getting along effortlessly at the moment, but he does not want you back and if he did, why would you accept him.”
Shoot, sorry folks I am just not in the mood anymore. But on the bright side, a future article about momma getting her groove back is on the way. My self-confidence is on the rise and guess what, Pap is not the only fish in the sea.