What Does “Liberal And Reasonable” Visitation Mean?
My ex and I have 2 kids, and the divorce decree gives me custody, with him having “liberal and reasonable visitation”, including but not limited to the usual every other weekend, split holidays, etc. He seems to think that the words “liberal and reasonable” give him the right to tell me which extra days he will have and that I cannot refuse these days without giving him a valid reason.
The kids are at his house this weekend, and I offered him Tuesday night as well. He told me that he will be taking Monday night as well, and I didn’t agree to that. Now he’s stating that I’m hurting the relationship with his children and that I am refusing requests for additional time. How do I handle these situations? Every time I try to negotiate on extra time, he demands more and threatens me with legal action.
Answer:
Most visitation orders will state “liberal and reasonable visitation” child visitation and will then outline what is to occur if the parents can’t agree on what is “liberal and reasonable.”
For example, it is common for the visitation order to state something like, “The non-custodial parent shall have liberal visitation rights with the children and shall have the right to visit with the children at all reasonable times and places. Should the parties be unable to agree as to what is reasonable, the NCP shall have the following specific visitation rights with said children:” And then it lists specifics.
In a case like yours the above clause would protect you from the ongoing conflict with your ex and motivate him to be more inclined to negotiate with you instead of throw his weight around.
I suggest you carefully read your visitation clause and see if it outlines what is to take place should you two not come to an agreement on what is “liberal and reasonable” child visitation. If your decree doesn’t address this you need to have the wording modified to be more specific.
I can’t imagine a divorce attorney who would allow you to sign an agreement that didn’t fully outline a visitation schedule in case of such a conflict. If there isn’t wording in your decree that takes care of what is to take place if you two can’t agree you need to contact the attorney who handled your divorce and ask him/her what steps you need to take to have the wording modified.
As an aside, I’ve never understood why the courts think that divorcing parents would be able to agree on what is “liberal and reasonable” when it comes to child visitation. Due to that I always encourage clients to not allow the language be used in a visitation order. In my opinion it is just another example of the family court dropping the ball and failing to discourage conflict after divorce.
When discussing custody options with my lawyer, she warned me that the definition of “Liberal and Reasonable” was base on what the parent granting the extra time thought was “liberal and reasonable”. In actual practice minimums have a way of becoming maximums. If the minimum is every other weekend, mid week dinner, two weeks vacation in the summer and alternating holidays, I was to expect that if my ex was a gate keeper (a new term that I just learned), that that would be the maximum she would allow. There would be nothing that I could do about it since she wasn’t actually violating the agreement and if I tried to change the agreement to ensure more time, that I’d likely get shut out because there wasn’t a “significant change in circumstances”. Knowing that my wife’s opening offer of three Sunday afternoons a month was a long way from my expectation of 50/50 parenting time and decision making, there was really no choice but to fight for custody.
The other warning is somewhat related to the vague “liberal and reasonable” issue. I assumed that joint legal custody, would give me the legal standing to protect my relationship with the kids, but in actual practice, if a parent had the “primary custodial parent” label, with more parenting time, judges tended to use that as the tie breaker, meaning unless my ex was completely off her rocker, I’d never win a coin toss. I was to assume that joint legal custody would give me a seat at the table, but not ensure that I was a peer.
Because of those warnings, I had no choice but to seek primary custody to be able to protect my relationship with my kids from my ex wife. When the smoke cleared, I had sole custody (because she screwed up – winning was a long shot at best). So now she’s got her act together, we’ve lifted the supervised visitation requirement she was under and I’m in the position of having to decide what “Liberal and Reasonable” visitation means. It’s complicated by the fact that she’s not given up reversing her custody situation. So as I grant her requests for more time, it feels like I’m just helping her reposition for her next attack. I’ve settle on a general policy of yes but I do keep score so that when I want to say no I can show that I’ve been more than fair.
my ex boyfriend let me talk to my kids on the phone and I can’t get anybody to help me I have liberal visitation and he doesn’t seem to understand I have no money to fight him I’m on SSI