The Single Mom’s Selfish Dream List:
10 Things I Would Do, If I Could Do Anything Without Getting Caught
I’m a fabulous, independent, strong, intelligent, kick-ass single mom of two little girls…but there are some things that I would like to do without my daughters in tow! As a single mom, I very seldom get to do selfish things, but sometimes it’s nice to dream about what you would do if you could do anything. Some of the things are sinfully delicious and some could quite possibly land me in a real life episode of Orange is the New Black.
1. Gerard Butler. I just want to meet this Scottish hunk of beautiful yumminess! And by meet, I totally mean meet, greet, and ATTACK! And surely he would fall in love with me and propose…what other option is there?!
2. I want an all weekend spa getaway! Seriously! I have never been to the spa for a massage, much less a whole weekend of relaxation. The only massages that I get is when the lady that gives me a pedicure rubs my feet…and it feels amazing so I can’t even imagine what a real, whole body massage would feel like!
3. Drive a race car. “I feel the need…the need for SPEED!” I want to be let loose on a racetrack, going full speed BALLS TO THE WALL! I will wear a helmet, but do you think they would let me drive in stilettos?
4. Girls Retreat. I would love to go on an island vacation with a group my friends, where we could just lay out on the beach under umbrellas, drink fruity little drinks, and laugh all day long. We would have fun no matter where we were, but a girls beach retreat would be awesome! Hello cabana boys!
5. Rob a Bank. This might put me on the FBI’s watch list, but if I was 100% sure that I wouldn’t get caught I would totally rob a bank. How exciting would it be to dress up like Cat Woman and sneak away with tons of money?! And yes, I would dress up like Cat Woman! Didn’t she have a whip? Meow!
6. I would have sex with Brad Pitt. Sorry Angie, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! And if I could do anything, it would be to have hot, steamy sex with your man. I wouldn’t care about getting caught either because I’m pretty sure it would be completely worth it. George Clooney is welcome to join in too…or Zac Efron. But all of this has to happen before I become Mrs. Gerard Butler, unless he’s into Brad too.
7. Be on the Ellen Show. Out of all of the TV shows that are on these days, the ONLY show I would want to be on is Ellen. She is the coolest TV person of all time and I’m a huge admirer! She keeps it real, is down to earth, and I want to do the Footloose dance with her! Kevin Bacon, you can be my wingman.
8. Super glue. I would superglue my ex’s wiener to his leg while he was sleeping with the most potent, super industrial strength superglue known to man. I have nothing more to say on this matter and I was at work all weekend long.
9. Shopping spree. I would love to have an all expenses paid trip to Paris (who wouldn’t) and then have an old school shopping spree. Like however much Prada you can fit into this basket in 4 minutes is yours to keep!
10. Friends Reunion Show. If they ever decided to do a Friends reunion show, I would want to be on set for the entire taping! How awesome would that be! Thanks to Phoebe, I am the mom that sings “Smelly Cat” to my kids while petting their heads.
Being a single mom is the most rewarding job on the planet, but even single moms can have crazy dreams and fantasies! Don’t ever lose your ability to dream and always keep your imagination flowing!
So, if you could do anything…what would YOU choose?