I have played the role of wife, mother, child, sister, daughter, granddaughter, stepdaughter, stepsister, aunt, cousin, divorcee, single girl, lost soul, bitter ex, co-worker, and friend.
The hardest role so far in my life has been that of the bitter ex. And I know now that I want to be a divorcee. And no…they are NOT the same thing. 100% completely different. A divorcee, in my mind at least, graciously walks away after the divorce is final, finds a new love, and moves on with her life. A bitter ex, on the other hand, is angry, hurt, confused, lonely, and depressed all at the same time.
My choice to be one over the other didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t just wake up one day and turn into an angry, bitter monster, and in my defense, he did lead me on for six months and make me think that we would get back together. Then he moved on to someone else and I turned into the bitter ex. Not a good feeling.
I blamed him for all of my feelings of bitterness and anger. I let him back into my life when I knew I shouldn’t. I allowed him to do things for me when I knew I shouldn’t. I chose to accept everything he offered. And then, when he let me down once again, in my mind, all the anger I was experiencing was his fault.
Or was it?
He didn’t force me to say yes at any time. Is he a master at manipulation? Absolutely! Did I fall for it? I sure did. But only because I CHOSE to regardless of what I already knew about him.
From here on, I will do for myself. I will rescue myself, be the hero of my own life. I will be the stronger one, the one that will not give in again or even be tempted to give in again. Because I’m completely done choosing what isn’t good for me. I will set boundaries with him!
And this is why…
I’m better than him, not in a cocky or rude way…but I am. I’ve grown and learned from the twelve years we were married. I’ve learned and taken responsibility for all of the mistakes I made. And these lessons will be taken into my next relationship and will also help me be the best mother to my kids that I can be.
He hasn’t learned anything, continues to blame me, and takes no responsibility for his part in the demise of our marriage. And that’s ok. That’s HIS choice. And my luggage will always travel lighter than his, because his total baggage now includes: three exes, four children with three different women, and two grandchildren. He’s only thirty seven so that’s a pretty heavy load. I’m proud of my baggage of two beautiful girls and one ex.
I played the victim. I did. Until my best friend, had to tell me to stop! So, I stopped. Just like that. She told me I allow people to walk all over me. And I’m better than that! I’m a wonderful mother, a good friend, a decent worker, and maybe an ok writer. I will no longer be a doormat for anyone because I am worthy of a great life and to be treated well at all times. If you can’t treat me nice, then adios. Life’s too short.
I have made an actual list of goals that I will have completed in five years. And oh my God, I’ve turned into one of those people that I hate! The ones with the five-year plans. But when we set goals for ourselves, it makes our life look a little more positive and inspiring to ourselves. It doesn’t matter what anyone else in this whole world thinks about it. If it makes us feel better, then it is the best possible choice that we could make. We can be our own inspiration and we should be.
And, this is where I become the hero of my own story. Because it is MY story. No one else has control of my thoughts, choices, feelings, or actions. I will no longer allow negative people to have any kind of influence on my life and will only surround myself with positive people. I will also never let anyone deter me from my dreams again. They are MY dreams and they will be fulfilled!
The hero always wins the battle. The hero always ends up with their dream guy or girl, the perfect job, and the happily ever after. The hero never says “I can’t.” I can choose to be a happy and positive person and live my life the way I want to live it. I can choose who I let into my life and I can choose who to love. And I love myself and of course, my kids. It’s amazing what wonderful feelings come from just changing the way you think and process life.
Instead of thinking “I need him back,” think “I’m better off without someone negative in my life.” Instead of “I can’t go on without him,” think “I can do whatever I choose to do with my life.” I choose: Happiness. Honesty. Positive thoughts. Smiling. Life. Kids. Love. Desire. Friends. Family. Laughter. And I choose all of these because I’m worth it. My kids deserve to grow up with a healthy, strong, and positive role model. And that’s me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hi…I’m Mom….Super Mom and Happy Divorcee to you.