If you’re thinking about divorce you should also think about the 3 factors below.
Most people who are thinking about divorce are extremely conflicted. Some days you feel confident that divorce is the right decision but other days you question whether or not you could be making a mistake. It may be on your mind for years. There are so many things that change when you decide to divorce. It’s absolutely normal to be unsure and to question yourself about this important decision.
Even if you’ve spoken to your spouse or a lawyer about divorce, you may not be ready to make that final decision. Guilt about the impact on the children, fear of financial instability and fear of being alone could be significant factors in the decision of whether or not to divorce. The decision to divorce is one of the most difficult decisions a person can make with consequences that last a lifetime.
It is extremely important to think through the decision rationally and to try not to let emotions get in the way. Fear, anger, resentment, and loss can be so intense that you may not see things clearly. If you can work through these feelings with a friend, therapist or divorce coach, you will be better able to make an informed, rational decision that you will be able to live with for the rest of your life.
The following are 3 factors that you should consider if you are thinking about divorce:
1. Do you still have feelings for your partner?
Many people struggle in relationships with fighting, anger, and resentment building up year after year. But if you go away for vacation together, do you get along well? Do you remember why you first fell in love with this person? Have you gone to counseling to try to work on the relationship? Relationships are not easy – there are ups and downs over the years. Is this just a downtime in your relationship or has it been this way for a long time? If you haven’t lost the strong feelings for your partner, you may want to think about working on the relationship before thinking about divorce. Are you emotionally ready for divorce?
2. Are you ready to go through the stressful and emotional experience of divorce or are you just frustrated and want the other person to take you seriously?
Are you ready to let go of the relationship and the person? Can you acknowledge that it is both of your responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship? Have you threatened divorce before in your relationship and not followed through? It can be extremely damaging to a relationship to threaten divorce if it’s not something that you truly mean. If it is just a threat, that can be leading to some of the problems in the relationship. If you’re not ready to go through the steps toward divorce, try to stop the threatening and think about starting to work on the relationship.
3. What do you want from the divorce?
Do you think that you can find someone else who you will be happier with than your current partner? If you think that it will be better and easier with someone else and that’s what you want from the divorce, you need to look at all of the consequences of the decision. Being without a partner is something that you need to think about.
Would you rather be alone than being with this person? How would you handle being alone? Do you have the support in place right now to help you through this experience? If you have children, you will always be connected to your ex. How are you going to handle this? Have you thought about finances? Thinking about what you want your future to look like can help you gather the information you need to make an informed, rational decision on whether or not to divorce.
If you have thought through these questions and still feel that divorce is the right decision, then you’re probably ready to start the divorce process. If you need help with making this decision, a therapist or divorce coach can help you think through these issues in a calm, rational and confidential way. You are the only person who can make this decision but it can make a difference if you have support throughout the process.