Yep, you read that right, thrice… maybe even four or more times!!
Look, I’ve been there.
I know how you feel.
You have lived in a miserable relationship for far too long, and are finally ready to go out and find the love you deserve. You feel like a starved Cambodian at a Golden Corral Buffet.
And that is exactly WHY… you should take a beat and think thrice about dating after divorce.
BECAUSE, whether you want to admit it or not, you are depleted, empty, weak and soooo vulnerable. You may simply NOT be able to trust your own judgment.
You just gave everything you had to a marriage that drained you dry. You may have even endured divorce proceedings equivalent to a trek across The Great Sahara.
So, I realize you certainly Do Not want to hear from any of your friends or family, that you may not be ready…that you should take time to heal… or that the refreshing pond of cool crisp water you are dragging your broken body to is only an Alluring Mirage.
But chances are… they’re right, and what you’re being drawn to is actually only an Alluring Mirage!
I get it.
You want to be held and loved and nurtured back to life by a loving, caring, (tall-dark-and-handsome) wonderful man that just walked out of the Fireman Calendar photoshoot.
And who knows… maybe that guy is out there for you.
But, right now, you are in NO position to see things clearly.
Admitting we need time to heal… to regain our balance and clear our mind is very difficult.
I am sure you spent years watching others enjoy fulfilling relationships while wondering when it would be your time to finally enjoy life with someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
And that time will come… but don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire, as I did.
I turned a deaf ear to anyone who tried to advise me to take time for myself to heal after my divorce.
After all, I knew better!
For 23 years I endured a marriage that left me (and my three kids) abused and damaged on many levels, and I didn’t want to waste a minute longer.
I convinced myself life was short and reassured everyone (especially myself) I was ready for a healthy relationship.
I was sooooo ready… I was actually overly-ready… I was as ripe as a spotted brown banana.
So, I jumped.
I ignored all the red flags.
And believed I had met the perfect guy for me and my kids!
Even when people who knew him shared very concerning warning signs with me, I convinced myself “they” were the problem or that he just hadn’t found the right woman. I was absolutely sure he and I were right for each other and made a great couple.
I truly believed I was entering into a loving relationship with a man who was my soulmate… Wholeheartedly believing he would be the father-figure my kids so desperately needed. I was sure we were going to create the happily-ever-after blended family that rivaled The Brady Bunch. We even had three kids each!!!
H.O.W.E.V.E.R. Truth be told, I. Was. Wrong.
I refused to admit my thinking was clouded, or that I was so completely overly-ready, overly-ripe
that quite frankly, I was most certainly… NOT. READY. AT. ALL.
It’s hard to describe the dangerous post-divorce phenomenon of how being overly-ready, overly-ripe, makes you obviously not ready to jump into another relationship.
Think about the overly-ripe banana.
Once a beautifully golden ripe banana… left on the shelf… neglected, ignored, abused for
farrrr toooo long… becomes spotted brown and mushy.
It is hard for us to admit we have become a spotted brown mushy mess. It is hard to admit we are feeling ugly, unwanted and useless. It is hard for us to postpone our desire for happiness any longer. And we certainly don’t want to go through the pain of healing.
We just want to convince ourselves and others we’re perfectly golden ripe and ready.
We want to simply put on a quick band-aid and move on… finally leave all the sadness behind and once again find happiness and feel joy.
And we can get there.
We just need to accept it may happen more slowly than we want.
Maybe some emerge from divorce healthy, whole and truly ready to jump into a new relationship. But most likely you are going to need time to heal.
Some of us need to heal in different ways: emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually…
You deserve that time.
Take the time to learn the ways you need to heal.
Learn to love yourself, nourish and nurture your own soul, and regain your inner strength.
It wasn’t until my post-divorce relationship crashed and burned when I finally surrendered to healing myself.
Everyone has a different path to wellness… take time to find yours.
Make a nutritious banana bread with those spotted brown mushy bananas… the overly-ripe ones provide the most delicious and delectable goodness. 😉
Who knows, one day you may find someone special to share your banana bread with…or you may decide to enjoy your slice alone with a nice cup of tea.