“Patience young grasshopper”
– Kung Fu
Alright, I know some of you are thinking it, but I am going to go ahead and be the first to say it. Does everyone get married and get pregnant during the holidays?!?! I swear my Facebook newsfeed is exploding from engagement and pregnancy announcements.
While I couldn’t more estatic for my loved ones, I cannot help but think, “Is everyone getting married and having babies except for me?”
There is a selfish part of me that is like, “What the hell, what is wrong with me? Don’t anybody want to marry me and have babies?” Dammit. While everyone is getting married and having babies, I am busy at CrossFit working on my booty.
I’m Engaged…To CrossFit!
It is that time of year again, where I am reminded, by social media, that I am 100% single. It seems like everyone is getting engaged. Unless, Mr. Right finds me in the next thirty days or another Christmas Immaculate Conception occurs, you won’t be hearing exciting news from me on Facebook. More than likely, it will be Instagram photos of my lunch. Maybe a few CrossFit posts for good measure.
Will You Marry Me?
EVERYONE IS PREGNANT, OR GETTING ENGAGED!
All these announcments remind me of unfullfilled dreams I use to have about marriage and having another baby. Although, it caused a pang in my heart, in reality, I am not sure I even want to be married again or have more children.
When I begin to doubt God’s plan for me, I will remind myself to TRUST him with all my heart. Maybe there is a future husband down the road. Maybe there is the daughter I have always dreamed about. I will trust God and the Universe and just be present. He is not finished with me yet.
“Trust the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”
Christmas has always been a motherf$%#@! for me since my divorce. You see, it was at Christmas, where I opened a package, not intended for my eyes, that was the beginning of me ending my marriage. Ah, divorce, the gift that keeps on giving. Ironically, it was the greatest gift in my life, aside from my beautiful son, of course.
Unfortunately, this time a year is very challenging for me. Given that I live in Hawaii and most of my family and friends live on the East Coast, the holidays can be lonely for me. Coparenting in divorce, involves balancing out holiday visitations between two different homes. Thanksgiving with Mommy this year, means Christmas with Daddy. Next year becomes vice-versa.
Some holidays are spent alone. Usually while everyone is opening presents, if my son is with his Dad, I am usually on a morning run. Sometimes, I won’t lie, I cry on those runs. Wishing my family wasn’t broken and Christmas mornings could be spent opening presents together as a family. However, this is not my reality, so I snap out of it and promise myself to make the best out of my situation.
Knowing that my son will be with his father this Christmas, I have decided to not feel sorry for myself and use this time to help other people. One of my girlfriends, spends every Christmas feeding the homeless in a popular park in Honolulu. I have decided to spend my morning there, devoting my time and service to those really in need.
At the end of the day, my “problems” are really nothing. There is someone out there praying to live a life that I do. So I am just going to shut the EFF up, be happy for those who are blessed with engagements and beautiful babies and count all the wonderful blessings in my life.
When you were single, did you ever feel this way?
What was your first divorced Christmas like?