Top 3 Tips For Moving on After Infidelity?
- Forgive your partner
- Forgive the home wrecker
- Forgive yourself
- Take responsibility
Let’s clear the elephant in the room, right up front. Yes. It is true… I titled this post “Top 3 Tips” and yet there are 4 items on the Tip List. And one of them is in fine print! Of course it couldn’t be as easy as 1, 2, 3! Why must there always be fine print in life?!
Am I proficient in Bait and Switch sales tactics or a compassionate blogess? That is for you to decide. Your perception is reality, after all. Hint, Hint- remember those words. Like, forever.
Forgive your partner:
First, it is important to understand that there is no rule anywhere that says you HAVE to do this whole “forgiveness thing”. Those statements in which we call “Rules” are reserved for the more, tactical, physical world anyways. The tips I am dishing out transcend that world. So… great news! NO RULES. Now we can all relax and indulge in transcended greatness. When you are done blitzing out on transcended greatness, meet me back here for further elaboration on the topic.
So since it is not a RULE, how is this supposed to help me get to the other side?
Forgiveness is a privilege. Not for anyone else, for yourself. It is a privilege that you were given the power to grant it. And a gift so healing, that it would be quite ridiculous, delusional and let’s face it- a crime against your beautiful self-not to. Ps- It’s free. Soooo you’re running out of reasons to resist it. All you self-sabotagers, here is your queue to tune out. Or tune in, if you are thinking about stopping that madness.
This does not have to be a fancy ritual. Nor does it need to be shared with anyone else. (Yesssss, I can forgive that rat bastard and not even have to tell him! #winning!) The act of Forgiveness is for you to create, however you want to. It is most effective however, when you don’t just think about forgiving someone, or think that you have. To reap the benefits, this activity must be performed from the heart. Feeling the forgiveness activates the top secret human code for releasing suffering.
Need help generating that feeling for the rat bastard? Imagine for a moment that you are walking around minding your own business and an elephant comes along and drops 100 lbs of elephant dung in your hands. “Whoa! That is a heavy load! And it stinks! And it’s awful! And I hate it! And it won’t go away! I can’t get it off me!”. This is how your body is carrying the suffering of their infidelity. At its most simple, you don’t want to be the one carrying around elephant dung for the rest of your life. Shit gets heavy. And stinky. And people start avoiding you. You start avoiding yourself. You attract flies. Flies are not really the greatest friends. Ask the elephant that just shit in your hands.
Forgive the home wrecker:
Re-review and repeat your creation of forgiveness for the rat bastard, but this time feel into forgiveness for the home wrecker.
“Oh no! No, no, no. I can maybe conjure up some forgiveness for the father of my children, that guy that I married, the former love of my life… but NOT the home wrecker. It can rot in hell. Without my forgiveness!” … Sound familiar?
There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is, if you don’t forgive the home wrecker, that elephant is coming around to shit in your hands again. Good job releasing the suffering you were carrying around from your former lover. Do you really want to carry around elephant dung for the home wrecker? I mean, if you weren’t going to carry it for the former lover, why is it so appealing to carry it for that person who displayed absolutely NO regard for you and your family?
Remind yourself that the forgiveness is your gift. It does not belong to the home wrecker. Turn that elephant around and send it away (with love, of course) to shit elsewhere.
Ohhhh… the hardest part. Until we get to the fine print. That gets harder. But first, before we go to the fine print… let’s forgive ourselves. Underneath the suffering we are harboring, the elephant dung we are carrying is a far heavier load that threatens our very being. Self Sabotage. The rattiest of bastards lies within us.
“I am not (good) enough.” It comes in a variety of shades and styles, but ultimately, that is the underlying belief that we have put in the driver’s seat of our own lives. The heaviest load of elephant dung. We called that elephant over and asked it to shit in our hands. And then we carried it around, willingly, yet unconsciously.
Pretty sure you’ve got the elephant dung picture by now and can summon your self forgiveness.
You are amazing and loved and absolutely, positively, without a doubt, (good) enough. Your mistakes and faults are human and not serving anyone now. It’s time to let them go.
The Fine Print: Take Responsibility:
Now that you have practiced all of this forgiveness, released suffering and dropped the load of dung, you should be ready to face the Fine Print. This may be quite difficult to accept and embrace, but it is actually GREAT news.
To overcome the infidelity experience, you must first realize that YOU created that experience. This is NOT to say that you created the infidelity. That responsibility can stick with rat bastard and home wrecker. You are responsible for your experiences though. If you are carrying the weight of this tragedy with you through each day, that is the experience you are choosing to have.
In short- if you are still not over it- it’s no one’s fault but your own.
This is GREAT news, because that means YOU have the power to change it! And only you! No one else has this magical power over you. You can actually change the experience, at any time. If you are floating through your life after infidelity (A.I.) and becoming a product of circumstance, maybe it’s time to read (and accept) the Fine Print.
YOU decide the experiences you are going to have in life. Your perception is your reality. As humans we have the beautiful gifts of attitude and perspective. Use them deliberately in your life. Choose the experience you want. Allow yourself to feel beautiful and loved and amazing and let the suffering go. Serve yourself, serve others. It’s a beautiful and brave decision. Just like you.
Namaste and Love, always. Xoxo