A good man. Does he really exist? While discussing this topic with a friend recently, he asked me, “Why do women love assholes?”
Good question. Having a bad track record with men I’ve come to the conclusion that there aren’t any good men around here. Of course, any man within earshot when I make comments like that usually protests.
This gets a raised eyebrow from me as I look around and ask where the hell are the good men hiding then? It’s a question women often ask, especially those of us that are divorced.
Where is he?
Over there behind that tree?
Maybe under that red car?
We all have our favorite places to look for men. Fire stations, beaches, bars, construction sites and gyms are some prime examples. Then again, when we look for men at those places I suspect its hormones leading the hunt.
In my opinion, the scariest place to look for a man is online. No matter where you live it seems like the “perfect” sounding man lives in another city, state or country.
The hunt continues. Some safer places to look for men might include the grocery store, library, church, park, bookstore, mall, or even work. However, players tend to also lurk in these locations looking for women who have let their guard down.
The good man remains so elusive that it feels like it would be easier to find Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster or a Leprechaun!
Sadly we want to find a good man so much that we don’t notice the rose colored glasses slip down over our eyes. When a guy says things that should set off warnings we develop selective hearing loss.
Some men like to say women are just stupid. That is their reasoning as to why we fall for the wrong type of man again and again. I think its partially because women want unconditional love so much that they try to see the good in most men.
The exceptions being the obvious slime balls. They use cheesy pickup lines and talk to our breasts. Their eyes follow every passing woman.
Some even flirt with the waitress right in front of us and then pretend they forgot their wallet so we have to pay. Then there are those that lie about their marital statuses and some have a line of baby mamas that they don’t help.
So while these guys are using their lines and concentrating on getting in our pants, what are the hard to find good guys doing?
A few times I’ve heard women brag about how lucky they are to be married to a good man. And I somehow keep a straight face even though I know for a fact that their men are dogs who cheat on them all the time. Are they oblivious or just in denial about what is going on right under their noses?
Over the years. I have asked men who are known cheaters why they cheat if they really love their wives or girlfriends. Every one of them gave me the same answer.
Sex has nothing to do with love.
WTF?
If the men who use that excuse really meant it then they would not get pissed when their women cheat. They are usually pretty fast to go into a jealous rage.
Meanwhile, the search for the good man who keeps it in his pants continues. I have wondered if these men are easily scared off by the vibes a woman puts out.
Are these supposed good men afraid of rejection, so they don’t ask women out very often? Or do women unconsciously ignore these men for anything more than a friend because they don’t fit into the bad boy image?
I remember my mom telling me that I had pushed a good guy away when I stopped being friends with him after 10 years. I was young and didn’t care whether men were good or bad at that point.
Looking back, it’s easy to see that during our decade-long friendship he wanted to be with me but he never did more than kiss me. Then a bad guy came along who showed his interest in every way you can imagine.
So, taking what my mom said, now I wonder if women tend to end up with the wrong guys again and again because those guys’ body language is loud and clear while the nice guys are subtle.
Look at it from a guys point of view: Are most men going to go for the flirty woman? Or are they going to go for the quiet “girl next door” type of woman?
So, the next time you’re wondering where all the nice guys are hiding, stop and look around.
If you’re like me and tend to miss the obvious, there are probably good men hiding in plain sight right under your nose.
Related Articles:
- Love the Next Time Around: Five Questions To Help Find “The One”
- The Nine Must-Know for Being Simply Irresistible part 1 – See more at: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/the-nine-must-know-for-being-simply-irresistible-part-1#sthash.1USgfrtu.dpuf
- Are You Really Ready for Serious Dating?
- Dating After Divorce: Is Heartache Inevitable?
Good men do exist, but they are avoiding women like the plague. These men have decided (rightly or wrongly) that they are better off single. The only true victim here are the good women. Now why are the men hiding? You know exactly why. I’m sure you’ve read all the misogynist hate spewed at women by the MRAs. The thing is, these guys are on to something. Right or wrong, good men have decided that women are too dangerous to risk a relationship with one. If women want to desired as marriage material, they need to become attractive to men again. And I don’t mean physically. Women need to demand changes in the family courts and education system to make men feel valued and equal. Women need to counter the bizarre arguments of radical feminists. Women need to change the atmospher on college campuses to men feel welcome. We’re not going to do it for you. Remember, we’re happier now. Convince us there’s a better option than remaining single, and we’ll come back.
Right on Brother!
I love women, but you are spot on. I am too happy with my single life to risk it all by giving my heart to someone who could ruin my good nature through her selfishness. I don’t want to end up being that bitter divorced man. I love my female friends though and I advise them on how to be good wives to their husbands. I also advise my male friends on how to be good husbands; but I can tell that they secretly envy my freedom.
Most good men avoid dating divorced women.
I think should define what one means by “a good man”, different people clearly have different ideas about that, and in general what men would call “a good man” seems to me to be very different to what women mean when they say “a good man”.
A good man to me is primarily one who respects women as human beings not objects to be used/abused for sex, so no cheating, lying, stealing, porn use, etc. Secondly they have to be as attractive as the woman, an attractive woman who is fit and healthy and well groomed like me is not attracted to old, fat, slobby, men who are neither blessed genetically nor making any effort to present themselves in a way that is appealing. Equal effort and equal respect. Thirdly they need to have a job even minimum wage is fine just whatever job means they can look after themselves not leech off of women take take take and giving nothing in return, just happy to be making a fair contribution to the partnership. Ive personally never met a man who meets these three minimal qualifications but many many women who exceed them. That doesnt mean they arent out there, but definately I have not met one.