My sons were 7 and 14 when my ex left and decided he wanted a divorce. His decision was out of the blue, no notice and no indication beforehand that he was unhappy in the marriage. My sons were especially negatively impacted by the way their Dad chose to leave the marriage.
Our 7-year-old took it particularly hard. He had never seen his parents argue and suddenly the Dad he had complete trust in to keep his world safe was tearing his world apart. Talk about ANGER, our boys witnessed more than their fare share of anger.
Our neighborhood had a large fountain at the entrance gate. My youngest and I used to take pennies and walk up to the fountain and make wishes. My heart used to break listening to that little one’s wishes.
“I wish my Dad would be nice.”
“I wish my Dad would talk to my Mom.”
“I wish my Dad was my old Dad again.”
“I wish my Dad would just be nice.”
He didn’t wish his parents would get back together, he wished his parents would get along. In the 16 years since our divorce, my sons have gone a total of 13 years with no contact from their father. My son never got his wish and it changed him and the direction his life would have taken if he’d had two parents who could be friends.
It isn’t divorced that impacts children negatively. It is the behavior of the two adults who are divorcing that can make or break a child emotionally. If you are going through a divorce or, you are divorced, I hope this Thanksgiving you are able to give your child what every child is thankful for…two parents who get along, are friends and put their children’s needs first.
OK? Just try your best, please. “Be placed, be settled and be friends.”