I’m going to say that narcissists are attracted to everything they aren’t. If you want to feel wealthy you dress well, act superior and surround yourself with wealthy people. You may not have money in the bank, but your lifestyle says WEALTHY.
We all know there are certain traits missing in the narcissist’s makeup. The narcissist knows this also so, he is going to be attracted to those who, as he needs, make him look good. The narcissist is an empty shell but, they are intelligent enough to know that if they are going to appear likable and become socially accepted, they must attach themselves to someone whose skirt tails they can ride.
Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist:
- Being empathetic and compassionate.
- Having humanitarian interests.
- Showing heart.
- Able to express empathy and compassion.
- High moral compass.
- Sincerity, warm-heartedness and inner beauty.
- Being genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others.
- Emotional maturity.
- Friendliness and a love for life. Positive mental attitude.
- Spirit- an open and happy spirit.
- Success and achievements.
- Hierarchy or societal place on the ‘social ladder.’
- Resources- materialistic blessings or achievements.
- Unique talents, gifts, and abilities.
- A genuine care for others, animals and the world.
- Shyness and insecurities.
- Someone easily shapeable.
- Inner beauty.
- External beauty and someone they can ‘show off.’
You’ll notice, grouped in with those traits is, shyness, insecurities and easily shapeable. That’s the key, they want someone who appears to have it all together on the surface but struggles with self-esteem issues, codependency issues and will to change to please the narcissist. They want a woman to reflect well upon them, but they also want one they can manipulate.
I remember being constantly complimented by my ex because of my volunteer work, my looks, my chosen career, and my love of animals. On the other hand, he was very interested in family of origin issues I dealt with and how those had impacted me.
I made the mistake of confusing his interest with caring and concern. I know now that what he was doing was arming himself with ammunition to use when we got to the manipulation phase of our relationship. Feigning interest in issues you find difficult to deal with is all part of the manipulation game they play.
How Does a Woman Keep from Being the Victim of a Narcissist?
Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. Protecting yourself from a narcissist has a lot to do with how secure your boundaries are and how much bad behavior you’ll accept in a relationship.
Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish?
Or, do you make excuses and blame yourself for not giving enough in the relationship?
Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?
If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?
Does being “in love” trump being treated well?
Do you put up with being devalued?
Do you make excuses for the other person’s bad behavior? They don’t really mean it. They had a hard day.
If the person’s behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?
If you answered yes to any of these questions or, you’re unsure how you would respond in the situation, you’re exactly the type of woman a narcissist is attracted to. You’re the woman who will hold on when she should have let go. You’re the woman who’ll find herself trying to recover from narcissistic abuse and wondering what the hell happened to that wonderful man she fell in love with.
Don’t be that woman!
If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable or regularly manipulates you into doing things you don’t want to do, he is probably not right for you. Whether he is a narcissist or not, it’s imperative to learn to trust your gut and not accept bad behavior regardless of how you feel about a man. That is what will keep you from ever becoming the victim of a narcissist.