Sometimes divorce is not a mutual desire. Sometimes it is only one spouse who wants the divorce which makes a difficult situation even more difficult to deal with for many couples. Begging your spouse not to leave because you want them to stay is not the answer.
You may think that you have to have the cooperation of your spouse in order to stop divorce. The fact is, there are things you can do to improve your relationship, and stop the divorce process on your own. Start by looking at yourself and your role in the disintegration of the marriage. One partner changing his or her thought process and behaviors can, in fact, turn a marriage around.
A Lone Act
It may seem odd to talk about stopping divorce with only one person working on the marital problems. After all, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. But when a person gets to the point where they want a divorce, chances are the couple has not functioned as a team for a long while anyway. The grievances, arguing and emotional damage have led to two people basically living together but not acting as a true married couple.
If you are not talking then your problems are failing to be addressed. When you are not communicating with your spouse there is no way pinpoint what the issues with the marriage. If your spouse wants the divorce but you don’t, then you need to understand what he is thinking and feeling.
Opening the lines of communication is the first step. That is where you can begin to work on your marriage alone. You can make sure that you are communicating with your spouse, and that are you are listening to his or her needs. Evaluating your role in that ability to communicate is the first step in a process that will hopefully lead to a renewed relationship.
Diagnosing the Problems
The next step is to diagnose the problems in the marriage and determine your role in them. For example, are you too critical, too quick to rush to judgment about different situations or unwilling to let your spouse play an equal role in the upbringing of the children? Are you angry because you think your spouse is causing financial ruin through poor spending habits?
Once you have identified the role your actions have played, then you can look inward and decide what kind of changes you are willing to make in yourself to improve the situation. You can set goals for yourself. For example, you can decide that instead of criticizing something your spouse does, you will ask him for the reasons for his choice in any particular situation.
Your goals must be stated using “I.” You will not be telling yourself that you expect your spouse to accept your goals. These are your personal goals. There is an old saying about teaching by example. That is what you are doing. You are showing your spouse through your actions and words that you are willing to work on your behavior, and listen to your spouse’s views about the problems in the marriage.
With communication and changed behavior comes respect. That is what you want to happen.
Relationship Building Blocks
When you look at yourself first, and determine what changes you need to make to improve the marriage, you are taking an unselfish approach. Each step you take adds a new building block to your foundation so that your marriage can become stronger. If you only blame your spouse for all the problems and don’t bother looking at yourself, nothing will change.
The bottom line is there are things that you can do to stop the disintegration of your marriage, even though only one of you wants a divorce.
- The Wrong Way To Ask For A Divorce
- Why You Should Always Listen To Your Gut
- 8 Things I Miss About Being Married
- How To Tell An Unsuspecting Spouse That You Want A Divorce