“Hi! My name is (What?)
My name is (Who?)
My name is [chicka chicka]…a fucking sociopath.”
If only singing the lyrics to an Eminem song could spot them, right?!
Newly divorced, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to date but decided to give it a try.
I shall call him for what he is, Sociopath. I met Sociopath on a dating site (shocker) and after talking and texting for a couple of weeks we decided to meet for dinner and a game of pool.
He seemed too good to be true: he was retired military, educated, good looking, charming, and funny. We had dinner and played some pool, and afterwards watched a movie. We talked for hours, up until 6 a.m., and ended the date with breakfast at IHOP. There was no first kiss, no sex – just talking and laughing. I had the best night in a very long time!
The next night we had dinner again and spent more time talking. I could not believe someone like him was so interested in me! He was also newly divorced, although had been separated much longer before his divorce was final, with two daughters of his own. In the beginning I can’t deny, I was smitten. He was well spoken and said all the right things. It felt good for someone to be attracted to me and want to spend their time with me!
Our relationship was fast and furious. I was not exactly on board the Relationship Express Train since I had just come out of a 12-year relationship and I mentioned we needed to slow it down a bit. A few little pings in my gut told me some things were off but I shrugged it off as nothing given this was my first real relationship after my divorce. The relationship continued and we eventually introduced the kids so we could spend more time and do fun things together as a group.
I could sense something was up, but I didn’t put two and two together until it happened. We had gone to dinner on a Wednesday, nothing out of the ordinary, or so I thought. And by Thursday, I was completely erased from his social media profile, like I had never existed. My gut told me the relationship wasn’t going to work, but that abrupt feeling of rejection still stung badly.
I was seriously perplexed how the relationship could have turned south so quickly. It wasn’t until I came across this article on Huffington Post that things made a little more sense to me. I already knew I had encountered a rebound relationship. But had I also been dating a sociopath?!
Here are 5 Signs I Missed:
The Sociopath loved to talk about himself. He had experienced and accomplished a lot in life, especially while in the military. The stories were interesting, but some of them seemed to be a little farfetched and over exaggerated. He also took a lot of selfies. I found this odd for a man but just went with it. Looking back he was a full blown narcissist.
He Told Lies, lies, lies! It should have been a red flag for me when he lied about having a master’s degree. I found out later there were many other small lies he told during that brief period of time….things no reason to lie about. I also found out Sociopath had also been engaged just one week prior to us talking. Engaged?! I didn’t have a clue. He told me I was the first woman to meet his daughters after his divorce. No! Those poor girls had been introduced to multiple women in a short period of time, including dad’s fiancée.
The Sociopath loved to spend money impulsively. That was a red flag, no doubt. Material things, money and “power” were on the top of his list. Frequent weekend getaways and eating out constantly were the norm. And while we were dating he always talked of his elaborate plans to travel overseas, building a massive home, buying expensive toys, etc. I did not share his passion for overspending. I also found it surprising that he had nothing to show for it as he lived in a one bedroom apartment.
He lacked emotions or empathy. Sociopath ended the relationship with no explanation. He didn’t want to talk or see me. No conversation. Once he was done, he was done. I found that extremely odd after he had invested so much time and feelings in the relationship. To cut off those emotions so clean and abrupt was disturbing, to say the least.
The Sociopath loved to live life in the fast lane. So I wasn’t surprised to find out two months after our break up he was already married to someone else, and not to the one he was engaged to prior.
All the signs were there. I was too blind and overwhelmed by the excitement of a new relationship to see. Keep your eyes and ears open, ladies! If it is too good to be true, it probably is. And always listen to your gut!
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I’ve been there! After my ex husband and I had separated I got all wrapped up in a narccisst I met online. All of the signs you discussed fit this guy to a tee as well. Lesson learned!!!
Oh dear. I left my long term Sociopath H in mid-’13, and after one scorched-earth (on his part), acrimonious divorce a year later I’m still not even close to meeting somebody or going on a date at the 2.5yr mark. This article has me thinking that staying untangled and solo is the way to stay !!!