The reality of fear after divorce is that often you are afraid of things that haven’t happened yet or afraid of things that happened to you in your past which causes conflicting, confusing and sometimes misguided feelings when dealing with your fears. Instead of just facing your fears, you get stuck and are unable to move forward because of these conflicting feelings.
Below are 18 conflicting fears you may experience during divorce:
1. You are not afraid to let go.
You are afraid to accept the fact that it’s gone.
2. You are not afraid of being who you are.
You are afraid of what others may think of the real you.
3. You are not afraid to be alone.
You are afraid of being lonely.
4. You are not afraid to take risks.
You are afraid of failing.
5. You are not afraid of loving someone after your heart has been broken.
You are afraid of having your heart broken again.
6. You are not afraid of loving again.
You are afraid of losing.
7. You are not afraid of your pain.
You are just afraid that it will never, ever go away.
8. You are not afraid of "can".
You are afraid of can’t.
9. You are not afraid to face your divorce.
You are afraid however of how it might affect your children.
10. You are not afraid of saying no.
You are afraid of how it will make others feel.
11. You are not afraid of having sex again.
You are just afraid it might not ever happen.
12. You are not afraid to give help.
You are afraid to accept help.
13. You are not afraid of losing your ex.
You are afraid of the financial uncertainty it may bring.
14. You are not afraid to love again and remarry.
You are afraid that the baggage from the first marriage will follow you.
15. You are not afraid of setting boundaries.
You are afraid of the guilt that you bring on yourself when doing so.
16. You are not afraid of your past.
You are afraid of the future life you had envisioned and what was lost.
17. You are not afraid of living after divorce.
You are afraid of dying and having your son raised solely by your ex and ex-friend.
18. You are not afraid to take care of you and put YOU first.
You are afraid others will see that as being selfish.
Fear – we all have it. Too often, we use fear as an excuse to look backward – instead of forward. Instead of just facing our fears, we get stuck.
Early on in my divorce, I was scared of so many things. I had so much fear - many of those things listed here. What I eventually realized is that often my own fears were stories I made up in my head. They were false evidence appearing real. Often, we make up stories in our head - the worst case scenario stories. We obsess. We over-analyze. I know I’m guilty of this so often. So now, I face everything and rise above my fears.
Here are three simple steps to help you kick your fears to the curb?
1. Stop letting things that haven’t happened yet or things from your past create fear in the present. This keeps you stuck and doesn’t allow you to grow and thrive.
2. Don’t run from your fears. Sit with them. Find out more about why you are afraid.
3. Then see what you can do to face them. We must learn to breathe, refocus and reframe our fear, doing whatever it takes to rise above them. I have found often that by facing my own fears, something awesome happens. Sometimes, the most magical things happen outside our own comfort zone.
We must realize that we all will have fear. It’s up to us to face them head on. We can Fear LESS. Today, don’t let fear win. It gets easier over time to face and conquer your fears and I promise you, it’s worth it. For me, after my cancer and divorce, I learned to sit with my fears and face them. Yes, I still face fears and insecurities but I work through them. After all, I’m here and alive. That’s something to celebrate – not fear!
Kim Becking is a cancer, divorce and life thriver who helps other divorced women thrive and create an awesome new life on their own terms after divorce – teaching them to look forward, live fully and love life. She is a speaker, author and certified divorce coach through DivorcedMoms.com. For additional resources and inspiration, stay connected to Kim through her website: www.lookingforwardlivinglife.com; Facebook; and Twitter. You may also sign up to receive her Looking Forward Loving Life After Divorce inspirational tips here.
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