Post-divorce you may be stepping back into the dating scene with some trepidation. The rules seemed to have changed and the phrase, “He just isn’t that into you” is floating around in your head. Now you meet someone who seems like a dream and adores you. That is wonderful, or is it? Here are eight tips for differentiating the good guy from the bad guy.
1. A good guy takes his time getting to know someone and a bad guy may push for a commitment right away. A relationship is not a race from the starting line to the finish (marriage). He wants to get to know you too in order to determine if you are marriage material. If someone is pressuring you for nuptials quickly, then wonder why. Is there some dark secret lurking in the background that you are not to discover until too late?
2. A good guy lets you go out with friends and family while a not so good one has to always know your whereabouts. He will contact you frequently to see where you are and whom you are with. This type of man may start to insert himself into your social plans, even when just out with the girls. It was awkward when a friend’s fiancé did this and she and I lost contact soon after her wedding. This controlling behavior may escalate after getting married into emotional abuse. Some newlyweds become isolated from friends and family or only visit when the spouse is present.
3. A good guy is respectful to all and treats those in the service industry the same as a CEO. He does not belittle anyone for faults, ethnic/religious differences, or for any other reason. He is a good citizen, may volunteer or help people/animals in some way. The bad guy makes fun of underlings or folks different from him as the butt of his “jokes.” This man loudly comments on the perceived shortcomings of others within hearing distance. One divorced woman tells that she knew divorce was in the future when her spouse told a rape “joke” and did not get what was wrong with that.
4. A good guy is dependable, a hard worker and has some sort of savings for the future. He pays his share of the way and you are not perpetually shelling out for dates. A bad guy job hops since the boss is always terrible and the co-workers are out to get him. He may claim to have wealth, but asks you for loans. He does not manage money well or may have some issues that are draining his funds. Do not loan people money. When you do not hand out cash, then this type of leech may depart from your life.
5. A good guy is reachable and a bad guy is secretive. You can call your guy whenever and have been over to his place. You are not hidden away and are part of his life, meeting his buddies and family. A loser may not take you home (maybe because he is married) or include you in family gatherings. He may refuse to take his phone calls in your presence or restrict when you can contact him.
6. It feels comfortable being around a good guy and not so much with a bad one. A good guy has natural expressions and a range of emotions. The bad one may hide behind a smiley mask and seem one dimensional.
7. The good guy does good deeds just as a part of life. The bad one tries to garner much praise for all perceived helpful acts. One man tried to get in the newspaper when he helped out at charity events, especially if the photographer was in his vicinity. The good guy does not crave fanfare for kindness and the one to avoid has to be in the limelight.
8. Your family, girlfriends and their husbands like your good guy. The friends husbands’ particularly warn you to drop the other type of fellow. People question your taste in men or ask if you have taken leave of your senses when dating the wrong man.
Consider doing a criminal check on someone. Listen to your gut instinct about partners and don't hesitate to dump them when your warning bells sound the alarm.
How do you vet your dates?
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