This is Date-orologist Chris Armstrong, from our nation’s capital in Washington, D.C., where lunatics are in the Presidential running, and the Redskins are screwing the pooch on RGIII. So, what else is new? I'm glad you asked because I have two new "coachees" with pressing questions about the future forecast of their dating lives.
Sarah And Mark:
Meet Sarah Smith, 23. She has been conversing with Mark via Match.com for around three weeks, and she’s not sure where it’s going. For starters, she is the primary initiator of any e-mail contact. As well, the average amount of time it takes him to respond is two days. Then, there’s the fact that he has asked her to go on a date (to which she accepted) but has yet to solidify a plan.
Now, Sarah is asking me what the prognosis is. Will she and Mark ever meet? If he can’t be reliable when it comes to simple e-mail responses, will that unreliability translate to other aspects of their relationship should they get into one?
Well, Sarah, my forecast for this situation is cloudy at best. When you’re the lone or primary initiator of communication, you’ve set a precedent. He doesn’t have to do anything, and, for that matter, he may believe that you prefer to communicate on your terms when you’re ready.
Furthermore, if you’re okay being second or third fiddle, and thus waiting a few days between interactions, why would he respond any quicker? Because he wanted to, right? But, he’s not, which gets to my last point. When you want something (or someone) you put forth the effort to go after it; you can be laser focused at times.
In this case, Mark’s time and effort is minimal, so you must ask yourself, does he really want her, or is he just keeping her in reserve? All of this to say, starting a relationship in which the see-saw of effort is one-sided does not bode well for any future relationship. Cut your communication losses and keep fishing.
Ellen And Craig:
Meet Ellen Carradine, 38. She met Craig at a nice, quaint Mexican restaurant for a date. It was a little cold outside, but she wore a cute mini-skirt and short-sleeve sweater anyway. This was important to her because she was dressing to impress.
Craig came with jeans, ear muffs, a thick jacket, a sweater beneath the jacket, and some Timberlands. Ellen was not happy about this. Then, he ordered a hot tea without asking her if she wanted to order drinks. This chapped her hide as well. On the other hand, the conversation was amazing, and she laughed a lot!
Now, two days removed from what she refers to as a dating conundrum, she wants to know what to do. She likes his personality but does not know if she can get past what she literally refers to as a fashion catastrophe problem. On the other hand, she also remarked positively about his ambition.
Well, Ellen, in this case, I have decided to pass my Date-orology diploma to you, and you can play mother nature. This scenario and the forecast require some introspection from you and an investigation into your needs and wants. What is more important to you? Fashion sense or good banter?
Why did he order that hot tea and dress for the weather? Perhaps he's health conscious. If you are truly going back and forth with yourself about this, you may not fully understand what your needs are and how they stack up with one another.
If you want a shotgun forecast from this Date-orologist, I will take back the diploma and end with the following: it's a murky outlook until you clear the fog in your head. This is actually something you should do before you put yourself out in the dating scene. He clearly has an interest, and it appears there is a connection on a deeper level. So, decide what is important to you or these dating conundrums will continue to surface.
Until next week, be the sunshine you want to see in others!
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