It can be scary getting back into the dating scene after a long hiatus. Work on your own issues first before getting into a new relationship. One’s self-esteem may be close to non-existent after a toxic marriage. One woman I know dated right after the ink was dry on her divorce decree. She equated sleeping around with a slew of men as being popular and these relationships were short-lived. She got a reality check during therapy and now opts for quality over quantity regarding men.
Before You Date Again:
Write down what you are looking for in a future partner:
Ethics, values, kindness, interests and so forth are important in any relationship they are especially important in men you want to date. What is a deal breaker for you? Do an intake of what you have to offer someone else and see if these qualities are similar to what you are seeking in someone else.
Ask trusted friends for an honest assessment of your behavior to see if you have anything which is annoying or off-putting. One of my friends laughs like a hyena, I suggested she tone it down. And I had to suggest to another that she close her mouth when she chews. These are little things but may influence a guy not to want a second date.
Be specific about the kind of man you want to meet in your profile:
Have an accurate profile and be very specific what you are looking for in a partner. Use your intuition to weed out the nutjobs. It may be worth the extra money to go to a professional matchmaking service who does extensive personality testing and background checks. They do personal interviews to ensure compatibility right from the start. This saves time and effort when zeroing in on just the right guy.
Let others help you find “Mr. Right:”
Get others casually put the word out at work or to friends that you are ready to date again. People may know some great fellows or be amenable to going on a double date so you can ease back into dating. When in college, we recycled dates. If someone was a fabulous person, but not right for us – we would pass him along to a roommate or pal in the dorm.
Recently a divorced acquaintance who is a decade younger phoned regarding a man who is a few years older than me and quite considerate. He is a homebody and I seek adventure globally, so we did not seem like a good match. I appreciated Kathy thinking of me, though and wanting to recycle this gem.
Dating isn’t a race to the alter:
However, you meet someone take it slowly and get to really know them well. Dating the second or third time around is not about a race to the alter.
What if you have a string of dates that you think are fine, but do not seem to go past a second or third get-together? If you think it is something about you that is keeping men from asking you out again, try double dating with a friend and her husband to pinpoint what may be doing wrong. Put your ego aside and listen to their feedback.
You may be coming on too strongly or sharing intimate details during the first hour of the date. Take what they suggest to heart and see how making these adjustments may keep a guy interested in seeing you in the future.
If you feel that you hit a wall on the dating scene, consider having a few sessions with a dating coach. She can gently work on strategies and pinpoint your problem areas. If one approaches dating with a sense of fun and adventure, it can relieve some of the performance pressure. The worst that can happen is that you have some laughs with the girls discussing dates that had bombed.
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