Divorce Won't Define Me, Even If It Wasn't My Choice

Share on Tumblr
By Carol Johnson, Featured DM Blogger - April 11, 2014
Fotolia_34997712_XS.jpg

It has recently occurred to me that I have always allowed my life be defined by others: a daughter, a wife, a mom, and now a divorcee. It stops here and now! I didn’t choose to be divorced but it happened to me anyway and now I have decided to use my divorce to reinvent myself into who I want to be after all of these years.  Another chance at what I want to be when I grow up! It is actually becoming this wonderful feeling of freedom, finally my chance to create my own definition of me. Never again will I allow myself to be defined by chance.

When this all started, the divorce was such a surprise (isn’t everyone unhappy?) that I started down the seemingly usual path that I affectionately called my 3 S’s: sleeplessness, sadness and shock.

Yes, I do mean affectionately, because even at this stage I decided to own my divorce and all of the difficult parts and not let it own me. I even joined a divorce support group. I had hoped that at the very least I might make a few new female friends that were going through the same situation. (Where did all of my married friends go)? I just didn’t fit in, I wasn’t unhappy enough. These people were so horribly sad. They were unable to get beyond their divorce. They were allowing their sadness to suck out any prospect of future happiness. It was like they were stuck in time, and I knew I didn’t want to be stuck any longer. My divorce would be different. I wouldn’t let it define me, but maybe I could use it to my advantage.

 I think that was the moment I decided to start using my divorce as a vehicle to move forward in my life. My own moment of truth; My Life! I was now the captain of my own ship. Sink or swim, it was my course to set. Navigating the swirling waters of divorce by my intuition, as mariners of old used the stars. I set sail on my first course of business: to take care of myself, because I finally realized after all of the years of taking care of a family, that it really was true, if you don’t take care of yourself no one else will. I still have a child to care for but for the first time (in a long, long time)

I have the freedom to schedule a workout or not, now it is my choice!

I have also started writing, a long buried passion of mine. During my marriage I had allowed my husband to define me as stupid and worthless, leading me to believe that I had nothing worthwhile to share with the world. It had been so many years since I’d had a career that I started to believe it myself.

Who would hire someone who had been off the job market for so long?

To keep my brain from turning into a liquid I had written a few articles for my children’s school paper, and in print they didn’t look too bad. Most of all I enjoyed it! I did a little research and found advice that suggested writing a blog as a way to show prospective employers that even at my age I was staying current, so I started a blog! I must say it is cathartic, I can rant and ramble on all I want, and it doesn’t cost me a penny! It seems that DivorcedMoms is also allowing me to share my musings with you. It’s actually better than the friends I didn’t make at the support group. I know we are all going through the same process of redefining our lives, and I have a new definition for me: writer!

Share on Tumblr
Recommended For You
5 Reasons It Is Better To Wait To Marry

There are real pressures and judgments in our culture associated with being single. Yet there are very good reasons to remain single and not settle.


6 Ways To Discover The Bliss Of Ignorance

Should we be more like our know it all teenagers? Able to enjoy the bliss or our ignorance without concern for our lack of knowledge.


The 5 Stages Of Recovery Following Divorce

Going through each of the 5 stages of divorce recovery is crucial if you want to begin the next phase of your life in a healthy and empowering way.


Around The Web
Comments 3 Comments

Enter the text you see in the image.

DivorcedMoms
 Wants YOU...
To Become A Contributor
DivorcedMoms Direct

Subscribe to our FREE newsletter!

Go!