Trying to Get Over Your Ex? Stay Off Social Media!

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January 25, 2016

Going through a divorce or breakup can be an excruciating experience. Hey, I might as well not sugarcoat it. You can experience a cornucopia of emotions - anger, depression, joy, relief, jealousy, grief. I guess it all depends on how the divorce transpired. If it was because of infidelity... ooooh that can be a doozie!

 It will take a whole lot of time, patience, therapy, tears, cocktails with girlfriends, and a good hookup or two to get through the heartbreak of divorce. But I can tell you one thing for damn sure that won't help... looking at any of his social media accounts.

I know, I know you think it might "prove" certain beliefs you had or solve certain mysteries like "Did he start seeing her before we were divorced?" or "I need to find out who he is seeing, I bet it's that girl from high school!"

I can't stress it enough though... PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT HIS SOCIAL MEDIA OR HACK HIS PHONE OR EMAIL! Why, you may ask? Because it will open up a whole Pandora's Box that you wish you hadn't opened. Trust me, you might think you will be vindicated but it will just create a whole new set of emotions and start more drama and arguments with your ex and quite honestly... will make you look insecure, bitter and stupid. Sorry ladies, but thems the facts.

I thank Sweet Baby Jesus in swaddling clothes every day that social media wasn't prevalent when I got divorced in 2001 or I would have been stalking that shit 24 hours a day. I was one obsessive anxious gal. My ex left me for a much younger co-worker. By the time we got divorced he had kinda' sorta' confessed after denying it constantly even though I had an actual note from her to him. My question was answered, we had agreed to separate, I was over him. So, why would I torture myself to see what was going on with them after he left? What's the point? To satisfy my curiosity or anxiety? All it would do is cause more anxiety and anger... what's the purpose of that?

I remember vividly my therapist telling me something that stopped my obsessive anxious behavior, albeit much later in regard to another relationship but nonetheless useful for the past 8 years. I was seeing a guy and was having a yo-yo relationship, that's what I call it when one person continually draws you in then pushes you away. On day you think you might be in a relationship, the next day he has a date with someone else. Anyway, I would get all crazy and get in my car at like 11:00pm and see if there was another car in his driveway, meaning he was having an overnight lady guest. So what would happen if I saw a car there? I would be really angry and hurt. And does that serve any purpose? He already told me he was seeing other people... so? Why did you need to see that? 

My therapist said... if you go by his house or look at his social media and see evidence of another woman will that make you feel good? No? So why do it?

That hit me like a lightning bolt. You already know what he's doing, if you agree to be apart why would you work yourself up like that just to prove your suspicions? I always ask myself, "Would you rather be right or happy?" Who cares if you're right, what's it going to change? Nothing. You think it will give you a reason to let out more anger but really it is keeping you from moving on. Don't dwell in the hurt and anger, best thing to do especially if you are trying to "seek revenge" is... move on.

Oh and for the love of God don't go blabbing all your business on social media about how hurt or angry you are because he might be stalking you and he will think he has won. Or it could start a shit-storm of him being angry about you posting personal business, and you just don't need any more drama. But all in all posting angry/distraught/bitter updates just looks tacky and immature, people will think you're pathetic. Sorry, it's true.

Don't look at his Facebook page, Twitter, Instagram or Snap Chat. You don't need to know what he's doing if it will only make you angry or sad. Ask yourself what my therapist said, "If you're going to possibly see something that will make you furious or devastated, why look?" Let it go. Don't go looking for trouble. Let sleeping dogs lie and unfriend and unfollow.

 

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