Your husband had an affair. He says it is over and the two of you have decided, together, to put the marriage back together and work at rebuilding trust. For this to happen he will need to break off all contact with the other woman. He will need to prove to you that his affair is over
Since you’ve lost total trust in him, the last thing you trust him to do is, anything. For that reason below is a list of things you can request he do to prove that he has broken off contact with the other woman and doesn’t intend to see her again.
5 things to do to ensure he isn’t having contact with the other woman and the affair is over.
- Tell him you want access to his phone, email accounts, and social media accounts. That would mean him sharing his passwords with you and you being able to check those accounts at your will.
- Ask him to email her, in your presence, and tell her that the relationship is over. He needs to be specific about the fact that there will be no further contact via text, phone, and email or in person. Once that is done monitor his email account for any response from her. If she responds it is within your right to reply and let her know that she can no longer interfere in your marriage.
- Watch him as he deletes her number from his phone and her address from his email account. You will also want him to remove her from any social media connections. When possible on email and social media insist that he block her from being able to contact him.
- For added protection, you can insist he change his email address and his phone number. Make sure that his old email account is deleted and that you have access to his new account. Once he has a new phone number check your account with your cellphone provider for her number to make sure she doesn’t have access to the new number and communication is continuing.
- If he and the other woman work together tell him that you want proof that they have limited contact at work. If that entails him exposing the affair to his boss, so be it. If he was concerned about his reputation at work he wouldn’t have started an affair.
Some experts advise women to not put too much pressure on their husband. I’m not sure how trust can be rebuilt until you are 100% sure the affair has ended and, in some situations that may mean him doing things that he finds uncomfortable.
If your marriage is going to survive his infidelity the goal has to be to heal the wound to the marriage. You can’t begin to heal that wound until the other woman is totally out of the picture. Don’t be surprised if he finds it hard to cut her off completely. It may take a few stops and starts for him to be able to break away cleanly.
How to tell he is no longer in contact with the other woman:
- When he is willingly engaging in honest discourse about the affair and what needs to be done to restore the marriage and your trust in him.
- He isn’t dismissing your feelings about the affair and your need to talk about those feelings. By being willing to listen and validate your feelings he is taking responsibility for his hurtful behavior.
- The two of you have identified issues in your marriage that need to be fixed and are actively working, together, to make those changes.
- You are both focusing on what makes the other happy.
Rebuilding trust after an affair takes time. It comes one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and him. You will be able to tell in your gut whether or not you are both on the same page when it comes to saving the marriage.
FAQs on your Husband’s Affair:
Can I trust my husband if he says his affair is over?
You can trust your husband if he says his affair is over only after he proves it to you. He has betrayed your trust, broken his vows and violated the sanctity of your marriage. He would need to show you through his actions that he means what he says.
How do I make sure his affair is over?
You can make sure his affair is over by asking him to email her about it in your presence. He should also remove his affair partner from his social media accounts and share passwords with you to see that he doesn’t repeat the episode. You should also ask him to give you access to his phone and email account(s) without having any objections.
Should my husband change his phone number to end his affair?
Your husband should change his email address and phone number to completely disengage himself from his affair partner. You need to have access to his new email account after having him delete the old one in your presence.
What do I do if my husband works with the other woman?
Make sure your husband proves it to you that he has limited his interaction with the other woman during office hours. Don’t hesitate exposing your husband to his boss if it requires you to make sure he doesn’t continue communicating with the other woman at the office. If he brings up his reputation being at stake at the office, he shouldn’t have started the affair in the first place.
Is it possible for my husband to quit his affair gradually?
It doesn’t work this way; your husband would have to detach himself from his affair partner at once and forever. By allowing him to quit his affair gradually, you are giving him license to cheat. Besides, you would not be able to heal or have peace of mind until the other woman is gone at once and forever.
How to tell he is no longer having his affair?
You will know he is no longer having his affair when he talks to you about his affair honestly, and discusses steps needed to restore trust in marriage. Moreover, he allows you to express your feelings about his affair openly—which indicates that he takes responsibility for his wrongdoing. You can be sure that he is no longer having his affair when you both have started identifying and resolving issues in your marriage, besides focusing on what makes the other partner happy.
What does it take to rebuild trust after his affair?
Trust issues, especially the ones about betrayal, take a lot of time to fix. You would need to be patient with him and yourself while restoring trust in your marriage. Adopt a one step at a time approach.
All you need to do is read the phone bill to find out if they’re cheating. And cheaters always cheat.
Mine took a screen shot of a text message that he sent her saying to the other woman… “Please stop texting me, wife is not down with it. Please only send texts that are work related. Sorry I hope you understand.” Which I felt was a good step. Well…. he failed again to tell me that he continued to play online games with her on his phone like “Words with Friends” etc… where there is message/chat available between players. He again played dumb like he thought I knew about it, and that it was a game and that they are not chatting just playing the game. It’s the lying by omission that’s the issue. Hiding it. He admitted that she made a comment to him in person on how she had “Refrained ” herself from messaging him on a great move he had made in a game they were playing together. To me, he is keeping an “open door policy” by not blocking and deleting her from all his social media accounts. That’s not the right message to be sending to me or her. Pick a team. This is a challenge for him because he a “nice guy” and doesn’t want to be rude. I think ghosting and then blocking and deleting is the solution to repair trust in your marriage. Apparently he’s not ready to do that. There is so many ways for them to be in contact, make sure you’re very specific that all social contact should end. Texting, emailing, online games, chat rooms, messaging apps, all social media, all needs to end. If they have to work together there is no morning coffee together, no lunch dates, no alone time period. No social/personal contact means no contact. Also, no checking in with mutual friends they share to see how they are doing. That counts too. In order to build trust all communication needs to end. Lying by omission is the worse kind of lying. If you wouldn’t do this in front of your spouse, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
Shoot, why not just tie him to a tree and leave out some water and jerky to get by. Some of these sites and suggestions are outrageous. If you no longer trust your spouse, find someone else who treats you right.