A contentious divorce is arguably one of the most excruciating events in anyone’s life. There is nothing pleasant about it. Even a relatively civil, mutually agreed upon separation and divorce is at the very least heartbreaking. I’ve done both and I don’t want to experience either again.
It helps to try to look on the bright side: you are getting your freedom from a bad relationship and painful life. You are getting an opportunity to start over and do it right the next time. As Mary Poppins said, “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” Find some real sugar, not that fake blue stuff, and swallow it with the bitter reality of a bad marriage, PRN, as often as you need it. Someday you may look back on this episode in your life and smile.
Until then, think of your ex-spouse as that pesky fly that won’t go away and is driving you crazy. Think of how much fun it would be to swat that fly dead! Maybe it is a mosquito bite that keeps itching day after day. Then, think about all the things that are worse than staying married to that miserable person.
Yes, there are worse things. Trying to think up the worst things you can imagine and then thinking up even worse things, can bring a smile to your face. Each time that relentless fly or mosquito starts buzzing around you, make a game of it. Get with friends over a bottle of wine and see who can outdo the other.
Here are 20 things that are worse than being married to my ex-husband. I would rather:
1. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane in a parachute with a hole in it.
2. Have oral surgery without anesthesia.
3. Swim with sharks.
4. Have a baby without an epidural.
5. Kiss a poisonous snake or any snake for that matter.
6. Walk 100 miles naked up I-24.
7. Get in a fistfight with Ronda Rousey.
8. Read “Ulysses” by James Joyce.
9. Wrestle a bear.
10. Go to jail for six months, will not pass Go, will not collect $200.
11. Sing on stage at The Grand Ole Opry on a Saturday night with no backup.
12. Give up chocolate/pizza/ice cream/cupcakes for a year.
13. Have a lobotomy.
14. Roof a house in Arizona in August.
15. Vote for Donald Trump in 2020.
16. Only use mayonnaise as a condiment for the rest of my life
17. Be a spokesperson for Viagra
18. Make my grandmother cry.
19. Have Prince Harry tell me I’m ugly
20. Chop 100 unions.
What’s on your list?