I enjoy reading, taking in a good movie, and chair dancing to the “top ten.” Who doesn’t enjoy being entertained, distracted and taken away by fantasy, music, and great prose? So, what’s the problem?
The influence these distractions have on how we view love and relationships can be detrimental. We learn lessons that don’t promote a realistic view of love and relationships. Ain’t it time to get real? Ain’t it time to stop taking unrealistic ideas about relationships into every relationship we enter.
Let’s face it, you aren’t going to kiss a toad and turn it into a prince. There is no night in shining armor going to ride to your rescue, and the only person who can complete you is YOU. So, let go of silly romantic notions and get real in your relationship.
Unlearn These Fairy 4 Tale Lessons:
Disney Movies: Seriously? Prince Charming, a Knight in Shining Armor? If you are waiting to be rescued or believe your next relationship will be with some Disney movie “Prince” whose only wish is to fulfill your every need, you need to move on from such beliefs. It’s time to evict that notion, get it out of your head and get real. No one will rescue you, better than you can yourself. No one can fulfill your desires other than you. Waiting around for a Knight in Shining Armor to do for you what you can do means never discovering your own strength and independence. Choose independence, not dependency! And, for goodness sake, no more frog kissing!
Mad Men: Yes, Don Draper is easy on the eyes and Robert Pattinson really knows how to protect a damsel in distress BUT one is a cheat, the other a bloodsucker. And lest I forget, both are emotionally distant. I bet you think you could tame that bad boy side of them, though, huh? You can’t so, why keep trying?
Angst-riddled, bad guys look good on film and love always wins out but in real life, bad boys are big trouble. Thinking you are the woman who will bring out the good guy is pure fantasy. Snap out of it!
He Completes Me: Ugh! The definition of complete is, “to make whole or perfect.” When you buy into the romantic idea that you are not “complete” until you meet Mr. Right what you are actually doing is selling yourself short. And, you are giving a man way more power over your emotions and well-being than he will ever earn. You aren’t ready for a new relationship if you don’t feel whole or perfect. Therapy maybe, new relationship, I don’t think so.
Stop with the Jerry McGuire thinking! Ask Katy Holmes how good Tom Cruise was at “completing” her. That didn’t turn out well! A successful relationship is attained when you go into it feeling whole and perfect as you are. And I suggest you do your best to find a man who feels whole and perfect in himself. He is going to have so much more to offer than one who isn’t “complete.”
It doesn’t mean there aren’t things about that guy you love that drives you crazy. And there aren’t things about you that drives him crazy. Never turn a blind eye to hurts caused by your loved one. Never trust a loved one who turns a blind eye to your faults.
This is the real world, and a couple has to join together and face reality as partners to be successful both with each other and in surviving and thriving in a sometimes harsh environment. A real partnership grows stronger with adversity overcome by mutual effort; if one or both partners think life should be easy because they are expecting a fairy tale romance, the normal setbacks of life will have them blaming their partner and running for the exit sign.
Happiness or great sex or a perfect house is not the goal of a successful relationship; the goal is a bond that strengthens both of you and helps you be more the person you want to be. Happiness in marriage, when it happens, is a byproduct of love and loyalty and accomplishments together over time. It isn’t the result of “expecting” your “happily ever after.”