Getting Over The Pain And Back Into Love

How do you get over a broken heart and move on? Here are five ways to heal yourself and prepare for future relationships:

Step 1. Evaluate your state of mind.

Know why you are hurt? Who hurt you, and did you do part of the hurting, too? It can be difficult to look in the mirror and to accept that you may be part of the blame for a failed relationship. Get yourself a notebook and go into the quiet of your room with no input from anyone but yourself. Write down two reasons you could have saved the relationship. Then write down two reasons why you did not save the relationship. You need to take ownership for your part in the end of the relationship, and understand why you are hurt and angry. Carrying around hurt and anger can impact your ability to function.

Step 2. Be honest with yourself at all times.

Be honest in answering each question. Honesty will lead you to acceptance and moving past anger. There is a story about a young lady who was hurt by a relationship. Her aunt took her into the kitchen and filled three pots with water on the stove to boil. In one pot she put in carrots. In one she put in eggs and in the third pot she put in coffee beans. After the pots boiled she took out the carrots, the eggs and poured up the coffee. She then explained to the young woman that spoiled relationships affects people just like the carrots, the eggs and the coffee. Sometimes spoiled relationships will make you soft like the carrots. Sometimes spoiled relationships will make you hard like the boiled eggs and sometimes spoiled relationships will change the flavor and make you something better like the coffee.

Step 3. Accept the fact that the relationship did not work.

The five stages of grief by denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance espoused by Kubler Ross must play out. So prepare yourself to go through the phases by actively acknowledging each of them. Understand that spoiled relationships will change you, and it is up to you to decide if it will change you for the better, or for the worse.

Step 4. Begin preparing yourself to be open to relationships.

This may entail you forgiving yourself or him or her. This may entail you getting rid of whatever reminds you of your old relationship. Throw out pictures or at least box them up and put them in the back of your closet. You are tearing down the barriers to new relationships. Just as you would clean the house for spring and let the sun in you can also do that to prepare for new relationships.

Step 5. Put yourself/your heart out there.

When your heart has been broken it is hard to put it out there again. Start going to places with friends to meet new people, let friends set you up on dates. Keep an open mind and try to leave your old relationship baggage behind.

No matter how you frame it, the decision to move on and into something better lies with you. You can’t put bad fruit in with good fruit and expect it to stay fresh. So leave your baggage and your hurt and move on to something better. It may not be love but it will give you an opportunity for love to come in.

How can you find love again?

photo credit: Loving couple lying in bed via photopin (license)