Divorce isn’t an easy process for anyone to endure. There are many mixed emotions involved, from relief to sadness to anxiety.
You have to make several tough decisions as you deal with these highs and lows. As a result, you can feel a little overwhelmed. A successful divorce attorney can only help you so much.
5 Things Not to Forget About During a Divorce
Here are a few tips on how to cover all your bases.
1. Collect Various Important Documents
It’s imperative to locate your personal documents before you file for divorce. A complete collection can help you and your lawyer navigate procedures related to you and your ex-partner’s assets.
You should start to keep tabs on this information as soon as you’re separated. You’ll be able to set yourself up for life without your spouse if you collect and manage these records. The more organized, the better.
You’ll want to save information related to your finances, like your bank accounts, financial statements, and more. Do the same for mortgage and loan statements.
You should also collect documents that reference your marriage, such as the certificate and prenuptial agreements. Make copies to share with your attorney and keep for your needs.
2. Address Everyone’s Mental Health
It’s easy to forget about your mental health throughout this process – primarily when you have kids. You deserve to lead a happy life, whether your actions caused the divorce or not.
This life transition isn’t like many others that people experience. There’s bound to be pain and sorrow felt by both parties – even when you both know it’s best to part ways.
You have to take time to rest and recharge as you navigate these difficult moments. Maybe that means a spa day at home with your favorite book, or time off from any divorce-related procedures.
If you need to schedule an appointment with your therapist, go ahead. Your mental health should never take the backseat, especially when you have to deal with a divorce.
You should also look out for your children’s mental health. Divorces can lead to adjustment problems for adolescents, which affect academic and social abilities. Don’t be afraid to pursue therapy for them, as well.
3. Prepare for Life Changes
A divorce can help you build a better life. It’s essential to prepare for this new reality so you don’t encounter any hiccups after the divorce. Plus, your preparedness allows for a more seamless transition for your children.
Your attorney can guide you through these procedures if you need any help. This new normal won’t feel so scary when you’re secure.
You’ll likely need to manage several different responsibilities at once. You may need to change your life insurance policy, apply for a credit card, and rent or buy a new home. It all depends on your situation.
Make sure to check with your state’s divorce guidelines so you don’t make a mistake – for instance, some locations don’t allow spouses to return to their marital homes until the divorce becomes finalized.
Take time throughout your separation to tackle these to-do list items. This way, you won’t feel so overwhelmed once the initial process ends.
4. Use Smart Communication Methods
It’s best to maintain open communication with your ex-spouse under most circumstances. This point won’t apply if you can’t talk with them for legal reasons like domestic violence.
You can prevent many unnecessary situations throughout your divorce so long as everyone treats each other with respect. A little human decency can make a difference – whether or not you have children.
When they reach out to discuss a divorce-related matter, it’s always smart to reply with a concise response. Don’t involve any emotions. If you have issues with this step, it’s smart to defer to your attorney or therapist.
You’ll also need to communicate for your kids’ sake. In most cases, this part seems easier said than done. You need to process your hurt emotions so you can co-parent effectively.
Over time, you’ll learn what communication style works best for you and your ex. It’s almost always best to stick to email or text since you can redraft messages when necessary.
5. Limit Opinions From Family
You need to keep your divorce between you and your partner. The only other people who should have a say are your lawyers or mediator.
It may feel like you need to head to your family for advice or reassurance, but they’ll likely take your side. That’s fine, right? Not always. It’s easy for this process to take a harmful route if your parents or siblings make negative comments about your ex.
Their opinions on your relationship shouldn’t influence your actions throughout the divorce. Ask your attorney whenever you have legal questions, and work with a therapist if you don’t know how to help your kids process their emotions. Many professional resources can provide assistance. It’s smart to keep your family’s opinions at bay so you can stay neutral.
Remember These Tips Throughout Your Divorce
It’s only a matter of time before you can start an independent life. Use these suggestions to navigate your divorce properly, and remember, you’ll make it through to the other side.
These are very nice thoughts on how it should be. However, a divorce is a very emotional issue. The chances are, if everyone were able to financially afford and be emotionally sound enough, to follow these guidelines, you wouldn’t need the divorce. But the truth is when there has been infidelity, lies, emotional abuse and finances are stressed, it is way messier than keeping it between you and your spouse. It’s hard to afford a therapist and most likely one person or the other will be an antagonist. While it would be nice to have civility and a therapist and the level of control this article suggests, most of the time it’s so much messier. I’m not pointing this out to criticize the writer. Her intentions and advice are good to aspire to. However, something sounds so perfect, it might make a real person feel like not only have they had to feel the guilt of a failed marriage, but also the shame of an emotionally tumultuous divorce. My ex was a liar, a cheater and a true narcissist. It was ugly! I finally had to make myself realize that the person I believed he was, was not the actual person he is. He tried everything to bait me, to try to make me look like the bad guy. My emotions were a disaster, I was devastated at the infidelity – it was the 17 years younger secretary at our company – it had been right under my nose. Sometimes,I took the bait and told him where to stick it. My mother in law had recently passed, whom I was very close to and there was that as well. My son was 6. My divorce was a 4 alarm, emotional nightmare and my ex husband was a liar and monster, (still is10 years later) My divorce attorney was 450 an hour and I couldn’t afford a therapist. Therapists start at 150 an hour and go up. My point is, yes let’s aspire to this great advice. But, let’s not forget that the very human element we sometimes must endure and get through, is part of it as well.
Thank you, Jane, for writing out a beautiful reply.
This all feels like one giant void…My husband cheated on me while deployed to Iraq. He met someone on FB on 11/24/2019 and never had the courage to tell me or my 14 y.o. daughter. I found out about it in March when my best friend was trying to show me how to set up a FB account to post condolences for a friend of ours that passed away from COVID-19. Low and behold, I see my husband’s PUBLIC cheating just come up when the ‘Someone You Might Know’ feature came up. He eventually called my daughter to tell her that he does have a girlfriend because he was miserable in our 16 year marriage, ‘divorcing’, and found the real thing. She cannot believe how a father she loved so much has become a stranger.
I was served a summons in front of my daughter on 4/3/20. It was horrible! The worse is when he returned home to Illinois from Fort Hood in May, he skipped town to be with his girlfriend for 2 weeks and they went on vacation. I tell my daughter we are probably the only military family that this has happened to and are feeling opposite of what any family should feel when they welcome home a loved one from deployment. Needless to say, my daughter and I are having a tough time. Luckily, we have online meetings with a Social Worker so we know how to process all of this. I am fortunate where I have health insurance where I could use it for this.
I know this is something that isn’t the greatest thing to have in common with other women since it is so sad, but I embrace you and our women sisters that are out there doing the best they can to be the leaders of a family and to show our children with grace and dignity how to not throw dirt back because it leaves your hands dirty.
Big hug to you, Jane. I share a few tears with you as well.