The Ashley Madison hack may have pulled back the curtain so the world could see the depth and volume of cheating, but the reality is, it’s not the only venue for a man with a wandering eye.
There are scores of fake ads posted by married men on traditional dating sites such Match, OkCupid and Plenty of Fish.
I can personally attest to this having fallen prey to these cheaters. So, be careful in case your new guy is married
An online dating veteran, I considered myself somewhat savvy about such matters until I accidentally had several encounters with men who omitted their marital status from their profiles. Some confessed on the first date, hoping the chemistry would be so electrifying that I would empathize with their “sexless marriage” or for having “married young.” Others were much more deceptive and strung me along with fancy dinners and suggestions of weekend getaways until I pieced the clues together.
One can shrug off a man who shaves a few pounds or years from an online profile. However, to have your heart teased with the prospect of love and companionship is painful.
So what are the signs that a suitor may be married? If any of the following behaviors show themselves, see them as a red flags and proceed with caution before pursuing any sort of relationship.
1. He’s too good to be true. Often his credentials read like that of a married man—good job, financially secure, socially apt—making you wonder why some lucky lady hasn’t snatched him from the market. Well, someone has and she’s called a wife.
2. He’s the most charming man you’ve met. He is a smooth talker who knows exactly what to say and do to manipulate the situation to his advantage. He opens doors, remembers your drink, buys you flowers. He will be so enthralled with your beauty, wit and intelligence you’ll feel giddy from the attention. Reign it in before you fall head over heels for someone who isn’t available.
3. He comes on strong. Unlike single men on the dating scene who have been burned and have their egos to protect, the married man has nothing to lose if rejected. He has his wife waiting at home, so it will be a full-court press when in pursuit. But, he will be putting his shoes under her bed at night so don’t get too carried away.
4. He’s a talker. After 20 years of marriage, the wife has heard all his lame stories about his motorcycle trip across Europe or his tennis victory at the club. When he discovers your tender ear, it’s like a thirsty man finding a glass of water in a desert. Rather than the short spiffy e-mails, he’s a Rambling Rook with long lengthy paragraphs, followed-up with rounds of texts.
5. Conversations, dates and texts end abruptly. Suddenly in the middle of a deep conversation or an e-mail exchange, the communication ends with some lame excuse like, “My neighbor is at the door.” Then it could be hours – or even days – before you hear back. It simply means the wife walked in and he had to hang up pronto. That is a great reason for you to not hang on.
6. He’s eager to make a date. Single guys want to ascertain you’re Starbucks-worthy before they make plans and dinner is typically off limits for first dates. They can also be corresponding with several other women online and weighing their options. On a tight schedule and usually more financially stable, married men want to meet as soon as possible. Those craving the romance they are missing at home don’t mind splurging on that trendy new restaurant if it means getting in your pants all the more quickly.
7. He gives you one phone number if any at all. Though more people are dismantling their home landline and relying on their cell, most people have more than one number. If he only wants you to call during work hours or on his cell, take it as a sign that he isn’t available during off hours.
8. He has an explanation for everything. He’ll have a laundry list of excuses for not calling or cancelling a date at the last minute. He had to take the dog to the vet, take his sister to the hospital, fix the leak in his roof. What he was actually doing was taking his wife and kids to the park…something he isn’t going to share with you.
9. Your gut tells you something isn’t right. Intuitively you feel something is off and the facts don’t add up. When in doubt, trust your instincts. Measure twice before cutting him any slack!
More from DivorcedMoms
I not long discovered that a guy I met recently on an online dating site not only gave me a false name but also is married with children. From the start of our communication, I had a hunch that something wasn’t right. He never called, only texted sporadically through the week and at certain times late at night. On our first and only date, he claimed he wasn’t the committing type. He was so quick to advance our rapport to sexual matters, then tried to have unprotected sex with me. Whenever we chatted, he would only either talk about himself or lay it on thick with sex; he rarely asked about me, nor showed any general interest in my activities.
Should I ask him follow-up questions to things he told me, he’d evade or ignore them. One of my questions – which became the catalyst to his strange implosion – was his surname, which he tried refusing to divulge before he finally ‘caved in’ [it was fake anyway]. In our final chat, where I told him that I wasn’t too comfortable with his overly sexual approach and suggested we went separate ways on the basis of wanting different things, he became suddenly irascible and verbally violent. He claimed he was offended that I suggested his interest in me was just sexual (even though sex is the only thing that came out of his mouth!) then used the fact I asked his surname to abuse me, calling me ‘controlling’, claiming I was idiotic and and showering me with F-words and other misogynistic tripe, so I blocked him.
Not long after that incident, I did an idle search based on what I remembered from our first date chat and lo and behold, I discovered his actual life. Surprisingly enough, I don’t feel hurt or betrayed. I can only smile because despite his claiming I was a ‘disgusting, nasty piece of work’, I know that unlike him, I have at least some shred of integrity and honesty and am actually a mature, morally decent person.