My soon to be 20-year-old daughter is driving down my driveway as I start to write this. It is a warm August morning and everything is glistening in the fresh dew of a new dawn. I wanted to write to you all as quickly as I could… while the raw and overwhelming emotions are still bubbling up within me.
I see you sweet, sad mama. I see your pain and I feel your despair and I want my words to surround you and uphold you during all the darkness… and reassure you… the sun will shine again… you will be okay, your babies will be okay… the sun will shine once again upon you all, more beautifully than it ever had before… More beautifully than you could ever imagine.
My daughter is a child of divorce. Not just divorce, but a High Conflict Divorce. All my children and I are survivors of a high conflict divorce crafted by a brilliant Covert Narcissist. Need I say more?
Those of you who have lived a similar fate, need no further explanation.
And those who have not… well, sometimes we can try to explain the details of what we and especially our children have endured at the hands of a crafty covert narcissist… but, if you have not personally experienced it… it’s hard to imagine the depth and breadth of maniacal effort he will expend to ruin the lives of the people he is supposed to love and protect (ie. their own children!!!).
Because all that matters to him is that he wins… at all cost. He has no regard for the trail of debris he leaves along his path. The damage they leave behind means nothing to them, they’re only focused on their new supply.
Their lifelong mantra is:
- Hurt, Decimate or Ignore those people who can no longer “help me”… be of “service to me”… “make me look good”.
- Focus on manipulating my present and future… by pleasing only those people who can provide me with ways and opportunities that will “help me”… be of “service to me”… “make me look good”.
High Conflict Divorce Steals Moments Of Joy
The high conflict divorce stole my daughter’s childhood and robbed us of all the happy-memory-making-mother-daughter moments I’d always dreamed of sharing with my daughter.
She was only 10 years old when the horror of our high conflict divorce began and the second half of this precious child’s life was basically a nightmare, from which I had no way to save her. I couldn’t save any of my kids, because I couldn’t save myself.
I wish I could change the past.
I wish I was stronger, smarter, more clever, more crafty, more conniving… but I wasn’t.
And instead, allowed myself and my children to literally be dragged through the filthy, ugly, cold and dark corridors within the Halls of Justice of our broken Family Court System for almost TEN loooong years… by a covert narcissist who used and manipulated a broken system to break us.
Unfortunately, what happened today didn’t change the past.
But, it did something better…
After so many years of tears, frustration, fear and anxiety, so much pain and hours of therapy.
After a long overdue visit between mother and daughter.
After all of that…
As the warm morning sun shone down upon us, while we hugged goodbye standing in my driveway… During that loving embrace we both experienced a Moment of Magic.
Those Moments of Joy Will Return
Even though we’d both worked very hard to get there… (each in our own way)… and we both prayed and wished for this moment of magic… (each in our own way)… never knowing “when” it would happen, yet always believing it would….
It did happen.
After a decade of wishing I could’ve prevented or changed all the horrible moments and mourning all the happy moments we missed… We were finally given an incredible gift… the gift of feeling a moment of magic in the present.
We shared a mother-daughter moment of magic when we finally both felt truly healed… the moment when our souls and hearts finally re-connected and felt full and whole again.
In the past, we were broken.
In the present, we are healed.
And the future holds so much promise.
I want those of you… who are now in the depths of pain and despair to know… there will be a moment of magic.
It may take a year or ten or more… but it will happen.
You and your children will endure the destruction, and after everything has been destroyed and burned to the ground by your covert narcissist ex… The Sun Will Shine Again.
New life will rise from the rubble… your lives will be rejuvenated.
You and your children will heal. Have hope and faith you will make it through. Believe me, you will have your moment of magic.
It will happen.