My first date after my divorce was a set-up through someone very close to me. She said that we would get along really well because we were both witty and hard-working. She said that he grew up on a farm and was a farm boy at heart, which was completely the opposite of me. I’m a person that’s energized by the sounds of a busy city. My first visit to New York City was as exciting to me as a trip to white sand beaches are to others. When I moved to the suburbs, I used the sounds of cars on a street to put me to sleep. You get the idea. I decided to go, though, because you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
We decided it would be a double-date to take the pressure off of both of us. Awesome! I wouldn’t have to play the whole, “Are you Brad*?” game. We met at a low-key bar and grill. It’s always easier with drinks, right? I spent days thinking about what to wear and finally chose an outfit that I thought was casual, yet dressy enough to impress without looking like I was trying to impress anyone. Ladies, you know what I was going for, right?
I went with the couple that set us up and we got there early. We laughed, we people-watched, we told stories from our week and then my date came in. I was a little surprised at how he looked, but far be it from me to make judgements based solely on looks — that’s the last thing I would want someone to do with me! We went through the awkward introductions and sat down to get to know each other.
To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about him. I remember that he said that he lived like a bachelor. He either lived on or had a goal of living on his parent’s farm. No, he wasn’t living with his parents, he had his own property on the land (or that was his goal, again, details I don’t remember). He was funny, he was quick-witted and he was intelligent. These are all things I look for in someone I’m dating! I felt like even though he didn’t look like or dress like someone I would pick out of a line-up, he had some potential.
We were talking about the differences between men and women. We were either having a good enough time or, there was enough alcohol flowing that he felt comfortable enough to ask me how many pairs of shoes I have. I said that I had probably 30-35 pairs of shoes. Not bad, right? It’s not 100 pairs, but it’s not 5, either. He then asked why women felt they needed to have so many pairs of shoes. Thinking I was quick-witted, I asked him how many types of beer he had in his fridge. He replied and told me he had 3 types of beer in his fridge. Being the quick-witted date I thought I was, I turned the question around on him! Why did he need more than 1 type of beer in his fridge? He said something to the effect of different tastes for different moods.
He grabbed my leg. He put my leg up on the bar. The dirty bar. He took my shoe off. Right there in front of the entire restaurant, he kept my naked foot up on the dirty bar.
He then began asking what type of shoe it was, why I chose this shoe over other shoes, why I chose this color, and what color was it exactly? I basically got the third degree over my cute taupe sling-backs with just enough of a heel to make my legs look longer without being taller than the average man.
We didn’t have a second date. Call it different tastes. His was for different types of beer and women with less than 30 pairs of shoes. Mine was for men who built closets with enough space for 50 pairs of shoes.
*Names are changed to protect those involved
Thank you for this…this is giving me so much strength. I am preparing to divorce my abusive husband…
until recently he was only emotionally abusive, but the last argument we had, he pushed me and I was terrified. I knew then that he was only going to get worse. I love him so much it feels like my heart is exploding in my chest but I know for my own sake and for the sake of any children I may have in the future, that I cannot stay with him.
Sorry, posted my comment on the wrong article *embarressed*