A cock goes in search of food. Swiping at the ground, he uncovers a beautiful gem. Not knowing what to do with it, he casts it aside, preferring one grain of barleycorn to all the jewels in the world.
In a similar way…
A cock goes in search of, ahem, feline. Swiping at his smartphone, he uncovers a beautiful cougar. Not knowing what to do with her, he casts her aside, preferring one kitten (or many) to all the pumas in the world.
Is this simple allegory a statement on the value of older women as potential partners? I like to think not. Yet, the reality is, dating a mature and experienced woman, a cougar, especially one with school age children needing a lot of attention, is not always the most appealing prospect to a man similarly situated with his own parental obligations, or to a man who never had or no longer has any of his own.
It’s ironic because, at 42 years old, one failed marriage and three children later, I prefer the way I look now than to how I did 10 years ago. Today I’m also more self-assured than I ever was during my marriage. And confidence radiates.
With that said, dating during my late thirties and early forties has been a struggle. Not for finding dates, but for eventually moving forward into a longer-term, committed relationship in which my partner and myself are able to look to each other for emotional comfort and support. To be clear, by commitment I don’t mean exclusivity alone, one important aspect of commitment but certainly not the only. Commitment exists in the mind, not the body, and cannot be feigned.
When a man enters a relationship with a woman who has children, another man’s children, he may legitimately have concerns. Beyond fiscal obligations, which may or may not become his, there are emotional obligations he will need to assume. Committing to an entire family is a serious undertaking and, in earnest, not for everyone.
And that’s okay. Better to know sooner than later a man’s intentions and capabilities.
As to what “kind” of man will want to assume such a commitment? This is a question many women seek to answer. The truth of the matter is, no one really knows. Many women, particularly those in my age group who have lived, loved and learned, develop their lists of don’ts. Don’t date a man who is separated. Don’t date a man who is recently divorced. Don’t date a man who has young children. Don’t date a man who has no children. Don’t, don’t, don’t.
To that I say, continue saying “don’t” and you will never say “I do” because, as far as I can tell, too many don’ts don’t add up to much. At middle age, with half a life’s experience behind us, who can possibly fit the bill?
The obvious question thus becomes, whom should I date?
Although at first I didn’t want to admit it, I, too, had a list. Deal breakers. So, really, it should’ve come as no surprise to me that I continued to date the same type of man over and over again with little success. That “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” really does hold true (Narcotics Anonymous).
In the spirit of change, I’ve recently opened my mind and, accordingly, my search to include those with interests and backgrounds varying from my own. Hopefully, that will bring me one day closer to opening my heart.
Women like to speculate how best to catch a man. Make him commit. Indeed, the best way to catch a man is simply not to. A man who wants to devote himself to one woman will. He will appreciate the risk and effort involved, whatever her situation may be. But, more importantly, he will recognize the reward of having not only one to love and to love him, but more than one.
So the next time some “cock” shies away from commitment, don’t get angry. Don’t blame him. Thank him. Because, as Aesop’s fable concludes, “Precious things are without value to those who cannot prize them.” (Aesop for Children)
Really, you never wanted him anyway. You just hadn’t realized it yet.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COTiKIK6njs]
Do you date with a purpose?
- Why ‘Keeping The Faith’ Is Necessary For Finding The One
- 7 Questions Every Single Mom Should Ask Before Agreeing To A Date
- In Defense Of Gold Diggers: It’s Not Always What You Think
- Living In The Moment: Thinking Right About Mr. Right Now
Image courtesy of MyFirstBrain.com
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