I slept with 3 different men within 3 months after separation from my husband. Am I proud of this fact? No I’m not. Would I do it over again if I could? Yes, I would and here’s why.
1. I was in a loveless marriage for a long time. And since I didn’t love my husband I never wanted to have sex with him. I would do it, however, just to get him off my back (no pun intended) so he would stop pestering me. The sex sucked. I would lie there as he’s pounding away thinking of all the housework I needed to get done, what I needed to do at work the next day and go over things I needed to get at the grocery store.
All I could think was “please cum and get this over with so I can get back to my day.” Now some of you may think I’m should have tried more, and I did. I told him more times than I can count that in order for me to be sexually stimulated, I needed to first be mentally stimulated. These were my asks: compliment me, tell me I’m pretty once in a while like you used to. Write me a hand written note like you used to. (A sticky note would even do the trick). Have a deep, meaningful conversation with me, one that I can tell you are generally interested in what I have to say. Rub my back and not expect anything after. I wasn’t asking for much in my opinion, but even going to counseling couldn’t get him to do these things. The most ironic thing: nothing I asked for cost a penny. Not one penny!
2. I thought for many years that I had lost my sex drive. I figured that since I hit 40 it must just be par for the course. Well, after having sex with someone after only being with my husband for 9 years I soon realized that was not the case at all. I hadn’t lost my sex drive; I just never wanted to fuck my husband!
3. The first man I slept with liberated me. Since my ex had been having an affair the last year and a half of our marriage, my little rendezvous felt like a big fat big “fuck you” to my cheating ex-husband. It was as if I was a bratty kid sticking my tongue out at someone on the playground. Two can play at this game, buddy. Childish? Yes, but at the time, I was still raw from recently learning about his affair. I was not in a good place mentally.
4. It felt good to be wanted and I needed that. The 3rd and final man I slept with had a lot of issues that I chose not to see at the time. Narcissist is at the top of the list, but that’s for another blog. However, the sex with this man was hot! It was the kind of wild, freaky sex that I don’t think many people have after being married for so long. I felt sexy, I felt free and I felt liberated to wave my freak flag in the sack. I didn’t feel like a 42-year-old divorcee with a 5-year-old. I felt like a sexy diva who liked to get down and dirty. And that felt good!
It’s been 8 LONG months since I’ve had sex, and I discovered during my ho- bag phase, that for me, I can’t have casual sex. I get too emotionally attached. So, as part of my own healing I have stayed away from men and dating, and I decided to date myself. At least, I know I still got it and when I am ready to get out there again, this mama will be ready to let loose and wave my freak flag once again.
I don’t think what u went through was a “ho-phase.”
I Personally think “ho” is a very shaming way of calling someone (men and women both) who is very broken inside and sleeps around all the time, chronically. If u r a Ho, those men u slept with r also hos. I think women (I also used to) put much harsher standard on ourselves for such things and allow men to do the same without the same harsh standard (I’m not saying u r doing this).
This was a very liberating and wonderfully hilarious confessional experience written by an awesome woman that was having casual sex safely, had fun, and is continuing to do well as a mom and divorcee – and you’re nitpicking? Please
eff off and be a nagging d-bag somewhere else. Find a dictionary because your spelling and grammar is really terrible.
I’m three days divorced, second time. First marriage 13 years, 2nd marriage stretched to reach over 14 years. Ex still in the house. Both husbands cheated. I’ve decided that I will no longet raise men, support them where they’ve reached their goals in life just to cheat with very young woman. Looking back, not one of them have supported me in.any of my goals. I’ve just celebrated my 48th birthday and looking forward to live my life and not someone else’s who shows no appreciation. UJ – 11/3/2016
I don’t know you but I’m super proud of you! As women we didnour hardest to be there for our ex husbands and they kept being unappreciative and downright selfish, sometimes abusive.
I’m glad you are moving on and it’s gonna be tough for a while but you can do it! I hope you have a lot of fun and will be blessed with a great man that’ll love you for the awesome woman you are.
i don’t understand this article. 3 men in 3 months is not a lot of men.
My ex husband moved on immediately, I’m talking 2 weeks after a separation. He got into a relationship with another woman, that it made me question if there was anything going on with her before we separated.
I was extremely hurt by it and confused as he tried to come back to me during the time he was seeing her.
I went on a dating rampage but it took me 5 months to, I did it out of anger and revenge. I dated around 11 men the first month, kissed 2 men but never slept with them, slept with 5 men in the span of 3 months. The first guy I slept with was horrible in bed, but mind you we were both drunk too. The second guy was also a bad performer, it only lasted about 5 minutes and he said it was because I was really good at giving BJ that he didn’t last long.
The 3rd guy wasn’t a great performer and was about to pass out because he was so tired from work, but he was a sweet heart. The fourth guy I met in a bar, incredibly good looking and amazing in bed, the best to date. The last was also fantastic in bed I slept with him 10 times in the span of 2 days. Now a month after the last guy, I haven’t slept with anyone. I have countless opportunities but it is getting old, now I’m seeking something more long term.
You should never regret sleeping with other guys after a separation, if anything it taught me things and improved my confidence, that 1. I am good enough, 2. Im not as ugly as I thought I was, 3. I look younger than what I am.
Most women nowadays are very good at sleeping around with different men all the time since these losers just don’t have any shame at all when they do it.
Both of these comments are unfortunate proof that having words isn’t the same as knowing what to do with them.
I am newly separated and miss my wife so much. We have a four year old daughter. We both work full time and only have my mom to watch our daughter. We both have been so stressed and tired so our relationship fell into a roommate stage. I never cheated, never hit her. She is the love of my life, but I started not wanting to be social with other people. I think because I was tired and wasn’t getting affection from my wife. I honestly love her so much and I am so attracted to her. I am so mad at myself for letting us get into this separation. I am now working on me, exercising all the time and really thinking about how I went wrong. I prey my wife gives me another chance because I learned that I want her so bad and I will never get into the place I was again. This has taught me a huge lesson. So if your husband hasn’t cheated or hurt you please give him another chance. Some of us guys are good guys and just needed a wake up call. Please let me know if you think I have a chance. Thanks so much and I am sorry if any of you have been hurt.
let her go. shes already slept with many men and things between you two will never be the same. I know its tough but, move on and embrace your new life.
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