Divorced, Married, Single – There is Always Room For Loneliness

Loneliness happens everywhere, all of your life. If someone has said they have never felt lonely, I call complete bullshit. We all have felt it. It’s not just the act of physically being alone in a room and needing human interaction. It’s the sense of being alone in the world, no one having your back, no one truly understanding you. As we all know you can feel alone on a crowded street corner in New York City or in a roomful of chatty, huggy party-goers. It just happens, no matter who you are.

I’ve got the loneliness really bad right now. Which is funny because I’ve never been a particularly lonely person. After my divorce, I’ve had moments of being lonely for a man’s touch or tenderness or to help me figure out my taxes or decide how to potty train a kid. But raising three kids mostly on my own, I’ve been craving alone time for the past 21 years.

However, now I have a son who is a senior in college and I just sent child #2 off to Freshman year in college and now I only have one 16 year old at home who is never home and when she is, is up in her room. I honestly really never thought I’d feel lonely. I thought I’d celebrate my independence. I thought I’d be running through the house in sexy lingerie drinking champagne from a bottle. But I’m finally having to admit the fact that I’m really very sad and lonely (at some points).

Oh I know it will get better. It’s only been 2 weeks. I won’t let it consume me. I won’t force any children to stay at home just to keep me company. But I do need to admit… I think I’m a little depressed. You see, my kids were my identity for so long. Not to mention, I just really really like my kids. We all get along great. They are the most entertaining people I know. We laugh… a lot. And I’m sad that the youngest one isn’t really into bonding with me right now. But I do suppose she’s having growing pains of her own. She loves her brother and sister. Her sister is her best friend. And now she’s stuck at home with just Mom. I don’t have a boyfriend or spouse to revel in the freedom with and exercise the use of an empty house, if you know what I mean.

So… what are we supposed to do? About this loneliness? Hell if I know. Yea, I know, some writer I am. But look, we can figure this out together.

There are all the typical fixes… go out and do something for yourself. Immerse yourself in work. Make dates with friends. Go find new things to do, something you’ve always wanted to do. Learn to love yourself. (I already do) However, at this point I’m thinking there is probably one really solid idea. Go ahead and mourn the loss of whatever it is that’s making you feel lonely. Feel your feels. That usually always seems to work, working through the feelings. What’s that saying, the first step is admitting you have a problem? Well, my problem is I miss the old days of being consumed by Momdom. Yes, I realize there were times I couldn’t wait for this present period in my life (kids being gone) but we all go through that. I miss the kids, the events, the sports, the concerts, the other parents, the other kids. Now it’s me with my daughter upstairs and a lot of Bravo on TV.

See, I have the problem of still needing to be at home a good deal to take care of my baby, so I can’t constantly run around trying naked skydiving and such. So what can I do? Get out when I can, right? Talk to friends on the phone or social media? Sure, I guess. Yea, those things will work but I think admitting your lonely is a good start too. Don’t be all whiny and crazy to friends or on social media (that’s just a little pathetic looking). Just be matter of fact. Say it out loud to yourself. Acknowledge it. Then do all the other crap I said, naked skydiving and such.

Do I have a magic fix? No. But nothing emotional ever got fixed without talking it out. Why I feel better just writing this blog! Ok, not really automatically like, but I’m sure after a glass of wine while bitching to a girlfriend and a good night’s sleep I will. Hang in there.