My Moment of Zen

Believe it or not, I had a moment of zen

Then it was bashed with a big hammer.

Lord and sweet baby Jesus, people are stupid.

…allow me to take you back.

*Pretend we use a phone booth like Bill and Ted.

I woke up thinking about how yummy sleep is.

Definitely one of the perks of divorce (and there aren’t many)

is that there is alone time.  I was off last night and so did not have to

get up at 5:45 am to get the little buggers off to school this morning.

I woke up alone at the crashpad and it was 8:30 a.m.

Yes, I slept until 8:30 a.m.  Heaven. I had scheduled a break

in my work schedule to wait for the dishwasher delivery.

So, I wake up, all slowly and peacefully.

I have texts from my lovah (his are on the left)

Hey, I love you.  Sitting here at work

wishing I could just curl up with you.

 30 min later I respond.

Hey.  I’m up. I love sleep

It’s just below making love

with you on my list of favorite things.

That was sweet.

And true.  Now if it’s sleeping with you

after we’ve made love then that’s the

ultimate.  Nekkid of course.

There is that.

I mean in my perfect world.  That’s

where I live.

I gotta get my ass up.

I’m thinking as I get up that it is all pretty groovy really.

Life is good.

I have such a sweet lovah.

I got to sleep in plus my dishwasher is coming.

So, I pack my little shit and head back to the nest to

get dressed for the day and greet my new dishwasher.

I come in and my cleaner is here.

I have a cleaner every 2 weeks as part of my agreement with Stanley.

She does the heavy lifting only, mops and cleans the bathrooms, etc.

Well, she’s mopping all right.

The old dishwasher is in the middle of the floor.

I told Stanley last night not to pull it out because the cleaner was coming

and she would have to clean around it.

I did not pay for installation or haul away because Stan The Man

said he would handle that. Well, he pulled it out alright

and disconnected the sink because my cleaner

is mopping the floor and has fans going to help dry

the mess under the cabinet.

He apparently pulled the dishwasher into the middle

of the kitchen last night and disconnected the hoses.

Then, he let the cleaner in at 7 am this morning.

She went to work in the kitchen filling the sink.

He left with Merlot at 7:45.

Cleaner, oblivious to the sink unconnectedness

emptied sink of dirty water and it flooded the

undercabinet and put all the dirty water back onto

the floor that she had just mopped.

As a friend of mine said yesterday,

“If I roll my eyes any further back I might see my own spleen.”

Cleaner’s like, “Honey, Stanley is dumb, but they are ALL dumb.”

Now, I have to find my moment of zen all over again.

Assclown.

What is the Serenity Prayer?

 Oh yeah,

Lord, grant me the serenity to stay in this moment of zen, and

not kill Stanley with my purse brick.