Allow yourself to see sex with a new man after divorce as part of your new beginning as a fabulous divorcee. With a bunch of unfamiliar yet amazing experiences that await, don’t let the negative nagging voice in your head hold you back from happiness.
After leaving the ex in the dust, getting intimate with a new man can feel strange. There’s a strong sense of the unfamiliar, like switching gyms or trying a new sushi place, forcing you to find a different flow. Whether it was a messy breakup or a thankful parting, it doesn’t matter—it can still be daunting to find your way through a new physical relationship. And while you can’t completely avoid the whole awkward sex hokey pokey or kissing jive, you can learn how to get your sexual groove on as smoothly as possible.
5 Tips For Getting Back in The Groove After Divorce
1. Be open and communicative
Never underestimate the power of communication in a newly budding relationship. As you two progress together physically, you should be honest about your feelings or needs, letting him understand your mindset and advance at your pace. If you’re worried or anxious about trying something different, tell him, so you can work together to find the best approach. Conversely, if you’re craving to crank up the heat, that’s another topic of conversation too!
Some women worry about expressing their thoughts too openly and risk seeming overly vulnerable or emotional. In truth, this fear is bred out of insecurity and the fear of losing a man by showing one’s true self. If he’s going to leave you because you have feelings, desires, and expectations, then he’s probably a jerk anyway.
As relationship guru, David Oragui explains, this problem mainly stems from the social attitude that only men should dictate the course of communication and that we as individuals or as a collective, are not responsible for our happiness or our lives. By relying on the man to lead the relationship, you sacrifice your own needs and goals for true fulfillment.
With a more confident approach to communication, you can enjoy finding a physical style that works for the both of you. Some women love foreplay with sex toys, for example, but are too shy or embarrassed to introduce it to a new relationship. Sex expert, Bobby Box, explains in his article, “Sex Toys A Couple Could Ever Possibly Need” the importance of trying new gadgets to maintain a high level of intimacy and passion in a relationship. No matter what your sexual longings are, or even your sexual hesitations, you need to start with communication for a great physical connection.
2. Pop out the bubbly
There’s nothing like a glass of wine to relax you in the moment. With its sensual taste and calming warmth, it really helps diffuse any awkwardness, especially for first-time play. Alcohol has that habit of bringing people closer together, and in the bedroom, it works like a charm.
It’s recommended to go for red wine because it tends to be more romantic. You’ll feel more sensual and have fewer inhibitions, allowing allows you to welcome the moment more readily with less hesitation. Plus, wine relaxes you, helping you slow down and blend your different grooves together more easily to discover your collective style.
But, keep in mind there’s a balance between a light buzz to heat things up and getting sloppily intoxicated to have wild, carefree sex. Unless that’s what you’re looking for, of course—and in that case, hat’s off to you! Otherwise, gorging yourself with wine to be more sexual that you normally would— something that may have been fun in our College years—is faux pas if you’re looking for a mature, healthy relationship.
Drink just a glass or two to get the blood flowing and your hearts racing, then let the hot journey take its course.
3. Listen to music
It sounds cheesy, but it works! Listening to music helps set the mood, creating a romantic ambiance that keeps your eyes locked and libidos intertwined. As a song plays, preferably a slow and sensual one, your bodies can respond to the flow of the rhythm, guiding you naturally through the moment.
The choice of music is everything. The wrong song can make things feel clumsy and unsexy, so it’s important to select a tune together. The Lovehoney music playlist is a popular option and features tons of tastefully erotic songs. Sexual health magazine, Intimate Village suggests some key options as well as some other tricks for couples.
4. Go dancing
Turning, twirling and swiveling – all the foreplay you need is on the dance floor. A perfect way to set the tone for the night, dancing helps you feel closer to your partner, creating chemistry that transfers easily to the bedroom. Yet, beyond sex, engaging in any physical activity together, like dancing, it allows you to become a more naturally comfortable couple in many ways aside from just sex– which is great!
For your next date, have your new man take you out for an evening of salsa or live jazz. You’ll have the opportunity to break down physical barriers through touching and playfulness. Even if you’re not a great dancer, it doesn’t matter; you’ll be too busy having fun to notice anything but each other.
5. Cuddle first
Cozying up together is essential to getting comfortable. Just like when you need to test the water temperature before slipping in the pool, you need the element of romance and intimacy before getting heavily sexual. Once you’re tickling and smooching, or whatever your cuddling style, you’ll feel each other’s spiritual vibrations more intensely. This familiarity leads to great sex.
During your cuddle session, take the time to understand his sexual patterns, while showing him yours. Perhaps he enjoys having his neck rubbed or ears fondled; learn what his favorite switches are and use them to create a stronger sense of intimacy. When this connection is developed, walls come down, helping you fuse your sexual energies.
The power of touch can offer major mental and physical benefits. While they can’t make or break a relationship, Cuddling is important to bonding and that spending more time being affectionate can enhance feelings of sexual satisfaction. So, go ahead, and let your canoodling urges go all out!
Allow yourself to see sex with a new man as part of your new beginning as a fabulous divorcee. With a bunch of unfamiliar yet amazing experiences that await, don’t let the negative nagging voice in your head hold you back from happiness.