I’ve been looking for a church, a church where I feel comfortable.
Stanley was a big old Atheist.
He would always post his A proudly as his profile pic on FB during Atheist week.
Which was fine with me actually. Like I’ve said before, I see the world in shades of gray (except for stupid people which are really quite black and white in my head, I’ve realized, sorry) and I was okay with marrying an Atheist although I am a believer. Of something, I don’t really know what, but something. What I learned over the years was that Stanley wasn’t just an Atheist, he was an evangelical Atheist. He wanted to convert people to Atheism and he thinks that if you are a believer then you have limited brain power and are stupid. I’ve heard these words come from his mouth and couid have put that line in quotation marks and created a bibliography for the end of this post. I wasn’t okay with him saying that sort of thing to my family (who are all avid churchgoers, my SIL is the Church lady after all)
or to my children who are growing up in the American South, where there are more churches than bars (a pity) and don’t need to grow up hearing that all of their church going friends are stupid. Everyone has a right to what they believe, I thought, but keep your mouth shut, just sometimes why don’t ya.
So, long story short (too late) is that we got married and I quit going to church.
Now I’m divorced and need my higher power back just a little bit. Ive tried a few places but feel so lonely when I go sit on the back pew and see all the happy families (appearances can be deceiving, I know) that all know each other and just the effort it would require for me to join in and meet new people and fake smile when I’m sad inside usually leads me to decide to pull the pillow back over my head on Sunday mornings and try again next week.
Well, my parents told me about this new church they were trying out and it was christian but progressive and brand new so no one new each other yet and they invited me to go with them last Sunday morning. I did. I styled my new short hair and put my dressy pants on (but could have worn jeans, Aunt Mae would DIE) and it was great. People were nice and friendly and the woman next to me smiled and told me it was her first time there. MINE TOO! So, I was feeling all happy inside and like maybe I had found a place that I could fit in. Win! There were kids there and my kids might not hate it. Win, Win! It was moret racially mixed than a lot of Southern churches, so far, Win Win, Win! The music was awesome. Hooray. Nobody looked uptight even. I didn’t see any gay couples but it is the South and you might not can have everything. Then the preacher got up. My, oh my, what a long, tall, cute, drink of water that guy was, in his jeans, loafers and tan blazer. He didn’t look uptight at all. He starts talking and he is full of charisma. Seriously, he could charm hair into willinglly leaving a bar of soap and I could tell he was really smart. Win, Win, Win, Win Superwin.
But then, uh oh.
He said some stuff and I was like, oh he’s more conservative than I thought. Then, he said that the bible gives us a guide to living and we’ve adapted it to fit our needs and have lost what was meant to be conveyed. Like the roles of women and men in the home. He said other things but I flipped out internally and wasn’t able to listen to another word he said.
HE WAS A WOLF IN JEANS AND LOAFERS.
I started looking for tea party signs.
I started noticing that all the women seemed really cuted up, and not tired and had on beautiful diamond rings and their hair was super shiny. Was I was the only working woman in the building? Working mothers have dark circles under our eyes and I don’t think most of us can afford the product that makes the hair so shiny. Most of us don’t have perfect manicures and we are TIRED.
But for God’s sake, it is 2013, are we really still talking about women’s roles and men’s roles? I was beyond offended.
It was more than I could take.
I bitched about it for an hour on the phone with Al.
I have 2 SIL’s that are stay at home moms and both are married to men that made a whole lot of money and neither work. To be honest, neither are ‘super high functioning in the mental department’ (ahem) and neither miss it. They don’t feel unfulfilled. None of their friends work either. They raise kids, drive a lot of carpools, play tennis, shop a whole lot, and let the maid in every morning at 10.
Sometimes, all of that sounds really really awesome, sign me up.
I can’t imagine not having any responsiblity but to make sure I look good and my kids are presentable and on time for soccer. I can’t imagine not having to worry about my mortgage payment. There are many, many days that I would like to sign up for that life.
But at the same time I currently have several friends that are in very shaky marriages that haven’t worked in a real job. Both are scared to death that they will starve if they get a divorce.
Yes, your eggs are as sure as hell in one basket if you don’t have a vocation.
The next morning I read this post by Pauline Gaines. Clearly I wasn’t the only one thinking about this topic last Sunday.
Then yesterday, which was only Tuesday, a mere 48 hours since I was so offended, I was assaulted by Suzanne Venker (what a dumb ass) in this article,
She needs a puresbrick enema.
Luckily, before I got too out of control irate (too late) I read several thoughtful and rational resonses to her nonsensical blather:
One from our own Cathy Meyer
From Tom Burns at the Good Men Project
I don’t know why, this week of all weeks, when we are supposed to be thankful, we have to be assaulted by such stupidity.
Needless to say, I didn’t find my church.
I may need to start MY own church.
The First Church of Cuckoo Momma.
Tthou shalt not be narrow minded.
Thou shalt not be judgemental.
Thou shalt not be a dumb ass.
Thou shalt not default on your children.
Thou shalt not consider any living person as having no value.
Thou shalt not carry a gun unless you are in law enforcement.
I could go on for days…