He chose this. I wanted to make it work. I tried to make it work. Counseling, therapy. I gave it everything I had. He just refused. The mistress, his career, alcohol, addiction, mental illness… whatever, he chose over his family it doesn’t matter. The pain is the same.
I’ve heard it so many times. Every single time I hear He Chose this. It wasn’t my choice. I cringe. I want to jump up and give the woman a hug and hope in a few months she is singing a different song. I hope in just a few short months she has grown stronger. Strong enough to be where I am today. Allow me to share a few crazy thoughts with you…
The father of my children, we didn’t ever have a healthy marriage, however there were aspects of failure in our marriage that surprised me. So when I filed for divorce I went through a significant period of feeling like He chose this.
One day as I was irritated at life, struggling trying to make things work, juggling work, single parenting, and more, my frustration at HIS choice was obvious. For some reason, that day, it was like a light bulb turned on. Someone flipped a switch and I realized that every time I said or thought HE chose this, I didnt’ want this, I was giving him the power.
My ex wasn’t even present and I was allowing him to continue the abuse I had endured throughout our marriage. The truth is he did make his choice. He chose to be an abuser, he chose to throw away hundreds of thousands of dollars (but that is a different story for another day), he chose another family over us, he chose a lot of things. However I chose to end the marriage. I chose to say enough was enough. I chose safety for our children and myself. I chose freedom. I chose this. I chose to be stronger and better.
Yes I did try to make it work with him. I gave our marriage much more than I ever should have. However I chose a better life. I don’t regret that choice. Every single morning Ladies, I wake up and the first thought I allow to cross my mind is this is MY life. I choose this life – wonderful, amazing, freedom. I choose me!
He chose to Eff it up. You chose to Fix it. Now choose your attitude. Ying Yang. Are you going to let his negative choice determine your attitude? Are you going to give him the power? OR are you going to take control and live your life? Let all the beauty that is raging inside you out. Be the real you. Don’t waste another minute, not another emotion on him. You are better than that. You are worth more than that. You are beautiful. You are strong. You got this, Girl! Pull your head up, put on your sexy panties and show the world what you are made of.
Like I said at the beginning “What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be”. Our fairy tale – Life isn’t a fairy tale romance. It’s life. Filled with ups and downs. We control our reactions. We control our destiny.
Take away his power ladies. Own your choice. You made the right choice now own it. Say it with pride. Go put on the sexiest outfit you own, your stiletto’s, do your makeup, and hair and go look yourself in the mirror – say with pride…
“THIS is MY CHOICE! I choose freedom, I choose to be better and stronger! I choose me! I am worth it!”
I don’t know your situation, but I want to point out that a study done shows that most people that are in unhappy marriages tend not to be any happier after divorce. Also to make a point about “this isn’t working and will never work.” in the same study they found that married couples that said they were unhappy or very unhappy in their marraiges showed that five years later 2/3’s of the couples had increased in happiness to be happy or very happy.
“If you were successful in the past, why can’t you be successful again in the future? Whether on your own or in a relationship that is more suited to what you want and need now.”
I would like to ask the same question. If it was successful in the past, why could it not be succesful in the future? If you were abused, I get it. Aside from that though was there effort. Why did you spend so much time thinking of divorce instead of focusing on your happiness in the moment?
If you blind sided him with this divorce, then yes I see why he would be angry. That’s a fair feeling to get when one is blind sided with a life changing event.
It seems that so many people look for happiness out there as though it is not a part of them. Happiness is intrinsicly internal and it is perception and choices day to day moment to moment that shape our view of the world and th view of happiness within that world. Too many people now have this belief that they can chase happiness, that it’s somehow in some place they can go to instead of working on what’s hard.
It’s highly likely that anyone in a similar situation will at some point hit the same level of unhappiness. It may not, but it is very likely.
“Aside from that [abuse] though was there effort.” You had me at “aside”. Had me choking on my coffee, that is.
Sylvie, I wasn’t sure how to respond to Mr. Wesley Sinclair. Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry you were abused, so very sorry he tried to kill you on more than one occasion but seriously did you make any effort to improve your relationship with him??
Despite all my effort, despite all the effort our children have invested in their relationship with their dad – the police chief has told me more than once, he will succeed in killing you one of these days. Keep filing complaints so it will be easier to convict him. Perhaps Wesley, if I actually died that would count as effort? wonder if that would be good enough.
Well, in my case, that stdy Wesley quoted is wrong. I am MUCH happier without him, and wish I had left sooner!
No one chooses mental illness, not everyone with mental illness is abusive or a bad partner. It just takes a little bit to keep it under control and to tell you the truth there are still days when it defeats me. My ex hurt me as well he abused me and continued to abuse me for years to control me. Now after the last assault we have gone our separate ways but I still love him and miss him idk what’s wrong with me he has depraved me of my self worth on so many levels.