I met my husband on a day at the beach like any other day, so serene. A man in a red Speedo was pacing back and forth in front of me – I live in Southern California, who on Earth was this crazy man, no one wears Speedos here! I fell back to sleep only to awaken once again, Speedo man had stopped at my towel. When he asked for my number I remembered thinking: if he calls fine, if he doesn’t fine. It wasn’t a big deal, not love at first sight, just a chance meeting.
He seemed fun at first; parties and lots of friends, he took me to nice places and he said he loved me first. He even wrote a very romantic song just for me, no wonder I was sucked in. I had no idea that he did this for his own benefit, to make himself feel important, as narcissists constantly need to have their egos stroked from having an insecure sense of self. I really didn’t consider his motives. He did share a personal story of when his previous girlfriend came out to visit him, he went running and never came back and she was staying at his house! At that point I really should have gone running too!
There were so many warning signs that I refused to acknowledge. He wasn’t a great kisser so I broke my own cardinal rule of wanting a passionate man. He wasn’t caring, so if I got sick I was on my own. For seven years we lived together, and after so many years I just figured we would go our separate ways.
Then he proposed. My first response was “Are you kidding?” Not the best answer for a life changing moment.
He made the choice of where he wanted to live and this didn’t include any consideration of my career. When I asked why we couldn’t choose a city that would benefit both of our lives he didn’t answer, he just stared silently ahead at something only he could see. After this momentous shift in our lives it seemed the universe kept trying to stop me from my rash decision, but I wouldn’t listen. I was held up at gunpoint, and of course when I called him he really didn’t seem to care, he didn’t rush to my aide. Even on the drive to our new city my car was totaled, and still I didn’t think about the fact that he was not concerned about anything that had happened to me.
I tried to find a new career so many times but each time he said he needed me to help him with his career. At this point, though, we did get along fine and enjoy life. I remember dinners out and laughing when we would see much older men with a younger girl at dinner. We always said how nice we thought it was that the man was taking his daughter to dinner.
I got pregnant, and he was so attentive during my first pregnancy, I finally felt special. Then we had a second child and everything changed. We could never find a sitter for the weekends and he would never go out on a weeknight. Not for a date night with me, but he was always up for a business dinner. When we did finally find a sitter he would rush through dinner or the movie to get home. He no longer wanted to sit and watch movies with me at home either, something we had always looked forward to. On his desk at work were only photos of our children; he never wanted mine there.
On family vacations he would always walk so far in front of us that it was hard to keep up. The kids and I always joked that we have chased him around the world. Then our last family vacation; he kept asking our kids to take his photo, by himself! They got very annoyed of him asking so many times and showed him how to take a selfie. So many selfies!
He had hired a new girl for his office, that’s who was on the receiving end of his photos. The part that I hate is that I was nice to her!
I was replaced by a woman almost half my age. So many years of my life given up for his. He is mad because he has to pay me alimony. He is mad because he says I did nothing to deserve any money from him. I did everything he asked of me and in the end I was replaceable. I find it so ironic that now he has become the older man taking his daughter to dinner, at least I can still laugh. Would you have heeded the warnings and changed your path?