There’s an old saying “You can pick your friends, but you’re stuck with your family.” It’s amazing how, even though family members come from the same gene pool, we can be so different. Some of our relatives can be like Chicken Little – always waiting for the sky to fall.
While it’s convenient to chalk it up to generational differences or life circumstances, inherently who we are at our core – in our soul – is what usually comes through.
When you’re venturing into a new life experience – starting a business or leaving a marriage, for example, it requires you to have a laser focus on your vision of how your life will flourish in your new reality. After you’ve done “soul searching” and know that you’re making the right choices for yourself, it’s vital to surround yourself with people who not only support you but energize you.
That’s not to say that you don’t need to enlist the help of advisors, coaches, other professionals and even friends and family who can offer you valuable counsel and insight. But assistance needs to come from people who, while possibly offering slight modifications or enhancements to your vision, support you.
I’ve discovered there are three personalities – the “I can’t’s,” the “I’ll try’s,” and the “I will’s.”
For those of us who know the power of the Law of Attraction and understand this is not just about positive thinking but about reframing your thoughts and energy to attract more of that which you want, it’s vital to surround yourself with the “I wills” of this world.
Starting a new business or taking the leap to leave a marriage takes massive courage. It requires you to be strong in your mind, body and spirit to withstand the challenges that will be put before you.
Those challenges often come in the form of family and friends who are comprised of the “I can’t’s” and I”ll try’s.” Let’s face it – not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur and some people will always create excuses why it’s better to stay in an unhappy marriage than get a divorce.
But here’s what you need to understand:
In order to succeed and live a joyous life, you must be an “I will!”
As you move forward on your journey you’ll find that, for some friends, what you’re doing brings up so much internal fear that they can no longer be around you. While the loss of a friendship is painful, it might be time to let it go. For other friends, who simply don’t live in the land of “I will,” you’ll need to set boundaries on your relationship.
But what to do about family members who are “I can’t’s” and “I’ll try’s” rather than “I will’s!”? Perhaps it’s a spouse who doesn’t support your decision to start your own business or parents who don’t support your decision to get a divorce.
It’s time to erect some boundaries. While they have a right to remain in their reality, you also have a right to create the life that honors your spirit. Here are some ways in which to lovingly create boundaries:
- Set aside time to enjoy with your spouse or family members in which these issues are not discussed. Find common ground such as hobbies, activities, kid’s events and special outings.
- If they try to engage you in a conversation about your business or divorce, politely but firmly explain that those are topics that you have decided not to discuss.
Disclaimer: If you are starting a new business and it’s necessary to contribute to the family finances, provide your spouse with a document outlining your projections and forecasts for the business. This is not the opportunity for a dialogue. Clearly you will have thought out the finances prior to starting a business and what is required of you in terms of contributing to the family.
- Identify individuals – coaches or mentors – who can provide the positive support you need.
- Join groups or associations filled with like-minded “I will’s!” Sometimes it will take a while to find a group that is truly filled with “I will’s!” Don’t stay with a group if they’re not enriching your energy.
- Become your own greatest cheerleader! Practice daily affirmations. Say them before you get out of bed and keep them with you throughout the day.
In order to achieve your goals you need to stay focused and live in the world of “I WILL’S!”
More from DivorcedMoms
- Setting boundaries
- 3 Professionals Every Woman Needs on Her Divorce Team
- Want a Divorce? Friends and Family Might Not Support Your Decision
For more information about divorce in your state, visit Divorce Magazine.