Do you know someone who is always in a relationship? They break up one day and go into panic mode until they find a new relationship. Why are they so afraid to be alone?
I know men and women both like this. In fact, when I was young, I was the same way.
Now that I’m older and wiser, it’s easy to see my mistakes. If only, I had taken the time to try to make it on my own I would have realized how empowering it is to be independent.
I can’t count the number of times I have heard people say, “I don’t want to be alone.” That sentence is often used as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship.
Staying Where We Don’t Belong Out Of Fear:
Why are we so afraid to be alone?
I think there are many reasons. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence are the likely culprits. We feel so bad about ourselves that we lack the drive to try it on our own.
Relationships, even bad ones, become a habit. We feel more emotionally comfortable having another person at arm’s reach even if we don’t necessarily like them.
There are some people that handle it by being fakes and pretending to love their mate. In the meantime, they’re sneaking around and cheating.
Since the grass is always “greener on the other side”, or so they believe, some dump their spouse or significant other only to end up in another miserable relationship.
Then there are those of us who stay in the unhappy relationship until something snaps and it falls apart. Tears are shed as the fear of being alone becomes overwhelming.
People like this, tend to end up with numerous failed marriages. As soon as one divorce is granted their already in search of the next serious relationship.
Bad Habits Motivated By Loneliness:
Then there are the people that deal with their loneliness and secret envy of friends who have someone, by bed hopping.
The need to fill that empty feeling inside them is so strong that some will sleep with anyone who shows any interest.
One other group of people are the workaholics who seem to be immune to needing a relationship because they’re so involved with work that they seem to do nothing else.
They are not necessarily happy being alone. It’s more likely that they’re simply too exhausted to try to find someone. Or, they distract themselves with work to keep from thinking about being alone.
We Are Only Doing What We Are Taught:
I think we are taught that we need to be with someone, from a young age. On TV, little kids start having boyfriends and girlfriends while still in elementary school.
So now little kids think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That something is wrong if they aren’t in a relationship.
Little girls watch movies and see Prince Charming ride in on his horse to sweep the soon to be Princess off her feet. Then they ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
What a crock of shit.
Think Princess Diana. Her life as a Princess was more of a nightmare than a happily ever after.
Unfortunately, for us regular women sometimes our Prince Charming is nothing more than a farting toad.
Even before we’ve experienced our first kiss, we were set up for disappointment and to view being alone as meaning something is wrong with us.
I wonder how different our lives would be if we were simply taught to love ourselves, respect each other and be kind.
Learning our own self-worth and potential would go a long way in building the self-esteem and confidence we need to be independent and happy and not fear being alone
Maybe, it’s not really a matter of being afraid to be alone but afraid of change.
So, the next time you go through a breakup, don’t forget to take the time to breathe and find the confidence to exist as an individual, on your own before hopping back into another relationship.
More From DivorcedMoms:
- 5 Ways To Love Being Alone
- Loneliness After Divorce: 7 Things You Can Do
- How To Cure The Divorce “Hangover”
- 9 Simple Pleasures Of Living Alone