Marriage, Divorce, Love, And Why A Star Is Born Made Me Mad As Hell

A Star Is Born made me mad as hell!

Why?

I grew up in the 1970’s being very intrigued by LOVE…

My parents had a very rocky, verbally & emotionally abusive marriage- further stressed by my dad’s addictions and my mom’s anxiety and depression.

So, I struggled to understand Romantic Love.

I was fascinated by sappy Love song lyrics from the 70’s and deeply moved by even sappier romantic films. I remember being completely enamored with movies like The Way We Were, The Other Side of the Mountain, and Love Story.

In a dark theater, at the age of 13, I openly wept at A Star Is Born.

When I first got married at the very young age of 23, I hadn’t had much personal experience with falling in Love. And as I stood on the altar in June of 1986, I was pretty sure neither my groom nor I were deeply in Love.

I remember thinking we were getting married because it seemed like a good decision. My soon to be husband was the complete opposite of my father and I was convinced that alone could be the key to a successful marriage.

We were just a couple of broke college kids, but I had all the hope in the world we would grow to love each other. And as each of our three children were born, a light of Love between us seemed to ignite… but, inevitably just flickered out.

I’d chosen a man I thought was completely different from my father, but it turned out only his ‘choice’ of addictions were different… yet, every bit as toxic and damaging.

Both men (just for completely different reasons) were incapable of having a healthy, genuine relationship with another.

To be fair, beneath all my dad’s damaging behavior, there was the capacity to Love. When he was at his best, he was capable of connecting and showing genuine Love. And it was that one important difference between the two men, I wish I’d known before taking vows on that altar.

Because, after decades of trying and trying, it was heartbreaking to realize I couldn’t create a bond of Love between us… no matter how hard I tried.

And then there was the moment when it became painfully clear…most things are possible with LOVE- but, the most important things are not possible without it.

Can a marriage survive without Love?  Mine didn’t.

The one thing that gave me hope during my divorce was I still deeply believed in Love.

Love, compassion, and kindness became the feelings I wanted to give generously to others. Giving was easy…  I struggled to believe I was deserving of receiving them in return.

Believing in the power of Love was natural. Because it was missing from the foundation of my marriage that failed, I was convinced it was the one powerful ingredient needed to sustain a healthy marriage or any close relationship for that matter.

Sure, Love waxes and wanes.

I get it.

But try to find a successful marriage that never had it.

After all, Hallmark has made a fortune based on the sentiments describing the Love between a man and woman, the Love and devotion between a husband and wife.

I’d read card after card during the 23 years of my first marriage and it was absolutely devastating I could never relate to any of them. But I knew if people were buying them, someone must be able to relate.

And then a man walked into my life and re-enforced my faith in Love.

Now, at the age of 55, I’m married to a man I Love deeply and best of all I feel his Love in return.

So, when I sat in a theater excited to watch the new Star is Born… I felt my life journey, which had taken many twists and turns, had prepared me to fully appreciate the raw naked beauty of eternal Love radiating from the core of this Hollywood blockbuster.

A Star Is Born.

The movie whose timeless message of how the unexplainable power of Love alone can connect two people with such intensity. This message has remained unchanged throughout four successful Hollywood remakes.

I couldn’t wait to finally relate on an intimate level with the intense depth of Love shared between two human beings…a Love that can uphold you and sustain you throughout the most challenging of times.

Why then… am I the only person on earth to be so disappointed by Bradley Cooper & Lady Gaga’s adaptation of this all-time classic?

Let me explain.

Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga were AWESOME!

The soundtrack is PHENOMENAL!

It was the storyline which left me cold and, quite frankly mad as hell!

Of course, the basic storyline was there; a famous musician hitting his bottom falls in Love with a talented woman and guides her to the pinnacle of a successful career in the music industry. They share an indescribable Love that carries them through the most difficult and challenging moments.

In the 1978 adaptation, their Love remains steadfast and the husband’s death is accidental.

BUT. In the 2018 version. The husband commits suicide.

There may have been a hundred reason why he made that decision.

BUT. I wanted to believe there was only one reason why he shouldn’t have made that choice…. LOVE.

Because I wanted to believe their Love could sustain them through all the good and bad…through sickness and health…and it didn’t.

No marriage. No relationship is perfect.

I get it.

There are times our Love, Like and Lust waxes and wanes…but our Love should remain steadfast.

And, that is why A Star Is Born made me Mad as Hell.

Because I don’t want to stop believing.

What helps get us through life’s toughest challenges?

What is the secret recipe for a happy life?

What makes a relationship successful?

I wanna believe in one thing:

LOVE