By Renee Catt for Good Men Project
Practicing gratitude has brought so much peace into my heart and my children’s hearts. We now talk about being grateful every evening and have a shared gratitude jar.
It took time to reconcile ‘til death do us part’ when my marriage ended, but in fact, I felt like I was dying inside. I didn’t recognize the woman I saw in the mirror. I was suffering from anxiety and depression at the time and was far from happy, let alone thinking about happily ever after.
My happily ever after really began when my marriage ended. I had been ‘trying’ and ‘bargaining’ to get our marriage to work. I thought by even asking my husband about what his sexual fantasies were, that we could rekindle something in our marriage. I even got a tattoo of our wedding date on my shoulder blade as a sign of my commitment to make the marriage work.
I now understand and believe that ‘sometimes, some relationships just aren’t meant to last and they have an expiration date. Ours had well and truly reached that point. That’s why all the ‘trying’ and ‘bargaining’ did not work. I know we both did not want to continue hurting each other.
We had two small children who were three and four at the time and what examples were we setting for them? That you ‘settle’ into a relationship that is going nowhere? They would soon pick up on those vibes. I did not want that for our kids. I did not want that for me or for my then-husband either.
I started to reconcile our ‘til death do us part’ when I started to practice gratitude. At first, this sounded absolutely ridiculous, that I could be grateful my marriage was ending. It seemed impossible at the start and even felt wrong. Until I thought about it differently.
I also felt that if I was going to be angry and resentful towards my ex, which, let’s be real here, most of us are leading up to separation and even following separation for a bit. It’s because we aren’t taught how to separate successfully. Then, I could at least be grateful too.
I didn’t need to be grateful for the ending as such and hold all this bitterness inside me. But I am grateful for all the good times we had, and the amazing children we created. Without being married to him, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. I am grateful for so much in my marriage. Which then allowed to be grateful for a fresh start in life. I was about to turn 40. Surely that meant I had the world at my feet? Plus I thought, what have I got to lose if I choose to see the flip side of the situation.
I still remember Mother’s Day when we had just separated and he bought me a tulip from the kids, which were my favorite flowers. I also remember the two of us sharing a glass of pinot in the early days of our separation and ‘toasting’ to our divorce. I thought we would be able to separate and be friends because I really thought I married my best friend. Times have challenged us both since our separation but we are amicable in front of our little people.
Practicing gratitude has brought so much peace into my heart and my children’s hearts. We now talk about being grateful every evening and have a shared gratitude jar.
Now I found my passion and purpose in helping others through their separations and divorces and be created a new career based on my experiences. You can have a happy divorce, you just have to be open to seeing the flip side to it.
From my own experiences of my divorce, I have now become The Divorce Go To Girl. From turning the lowest of lows in my life to the highest of highs. Giving my career a whole new focus with passion and purpose helping others through separations and divorce. – Renee Catt
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