Divorce: Negotiating With Someone Incapable Of Negotiating

Question:

Okay, I’ve had about enough! My ex is Satan’s spawn, I swear to God he is. He is hell-bent on hurting me even if that means hurting the children. I think he would beat me about the head and shoulders with them with no regard to the physical harm to them as long as he got a few smacks in at me.

A few months ago our son needed surgery on his knee due to a sports injury. My ex refused to sign a surgical waiver. Before we could schedule surgery I had to get my attorney to file a petition with the court asking the judge to ORDER the fool to agree to his surgery.

We’ve been divorced five years and it has been five years of my ex obstructing anything and everything he thinks I’m in favor of. How the hell do you deal with someone like this? Do I continue to try and deal with him or do I just go ahead and do what I know is right for my children when they need something?

Answer:

It is always better to follow court orders instead of going rogue – although I completely understand why you feel pushed to the brink of doing just that. Judges do not look kindly on people who violate court orders and you want to remain the reasonable one.

Your custody agreement should outline which decisions require joint decision-making. If you are faced with a true, time-sensitive emergency that your ex is ignoring, you can always go into court on an ex parte and the judge will rule in your favor.

If your ex is obstructing something necessary, but less time-sensitive, for your son then you will have to go to court to get it ordered just as you did before. That means you need to continue to keep records of all correspondence: medical reports, school reports, your ex’s repeated refusal to follow court orders, or any correspondence from him that shows he’s more intent on making your life miserable than in doing what’s in the children’s best interest.

If you can show a pattern of neglect or poor choices you may be able to get legal custody or decision-making power over focused issues such as medical care. Then you can do what is right for your children without the hassle of negotiating with someone who is incapable of negotiating.