Parental Alienation: 9 Truths the Courts Taught Me

 

Has parental alienation paralyzed you? If you’re a victim of parental alienation, my heart bleeds for you. It is a horrible pain no parent should ever have to endure.

Parental alienation can wear many masks. It can be as subtle as painting a parent as unreliable and untrustworthy, or it can be as ugly as rallying the troops with the intention of annihilation. Alienation happens when one of the parents feel the need to “win” at all costs and will use whatever means necessary to make sure they have the children on their side. This parent has consciously or unconsciously tried to alienate the child from the other parent.

Sounds like narcissistic behavior, right?

It can be. When a narcissist can’t control you any longer, they will use the next best thing, your child. The child may see this parent as the victim, who painted a beautiful portrait of how the alienated parent doesn’t have their best interest at heart.

Where does this leave you?

It will lead you down a rabbit hole of having to defend your worthiness as a parent, something I am sure you never dreamt of when you envisioned holding your child in your arms.

Here are a couple of common examples of parental alienation you should know about:

1. Using bait to lure the child in, such as buying material possessions.
2. Allowing the child free reign to do as they please, while disregarding the other parent.
3. Giving your child a choice as to whether they want to visit the other parent.
4. Telling your child details about why the marriage dissolved, typically portraying themselves as the victim.
5. Having adult conversations with your child about the other parent.
6. Telling the child that they don’t need to listen to you or respect your rules.
7. Disciplining your child and not being supported by the other parent.
8. Encouraging the child to be angry with the other parent.
9. Trying to elicit personal information from your child about the other parent.

If any of these scenarios lead you in the hands of the court system, be forewarned that the court system may not have your back. They are dealing with divorce cases and child custody issues all day long, and you’re just another file that crosses their desk. They will throw you in the hands of a court-appointed counselor, which will feel more like you are the one on trial.

Yes, the tables will turn!

The court system will never understand the dynamics of all of this. The sessions will involve you defending yourself as a parent, and in the end, nobody can stop the alienation from happening. If the child is old enough, they can decide which parent to live with, and the child will choose the parent with which they feel they have the greatest freedom.

It’s not the child’s job to understand that they need both parents in their life; this is the responsibility of both parents to act in the best interest of the children. Parents must learn to put their egos and pride aside, heal the unresolved wounds, and learn how to co-parent. Co-parenting has nothing to do with winning, nor does it have anything to do with your own needs.

Here Are 9 Truths the Courts Taught Me 

1. No one outside myself will ever validate my worth as a mother.
2. Fighting is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
3. Being a mom means standing in your truth, and not letting anyone take that away from you (not even your child).
4. Never sell yourself out to win the battle.
5. I know who I am, and my legacy will echo for generations to come.
6. Nobody wins, so let go and trust that there is a bigger plan at work.
7. My children will always love me and be a part of me no matter what fallacies landed on their ears.
8. The truth will always reveal itself, be patient.
9. Love is way more potent than the fight.

If you’ve been paralyzed by alienation, please have a support system. Having the right help will enable you to establish boundaries and not get sucked into a downward spiral. Take the high road and be a shining light for your children.

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