Self Pleasure & Love: 4 Steps To Enjoying Valentine’s Day as a Single Mom

It’s not JUST Valentine’s Day on February 14th, it has also landed this year on a Friday night.  Oh the pressure of a Friday night Valentine’s Day! In thinking about all of the single moms out there, it’s either a week on or a week off with the children. So there’s either plan A, the children are with us and we do something small and sweet and special and very Mom like; or it’s plan B and they aren’t with us.  But oh no, not a Valentine’s Day all alone!

Being that we are all at various stages in the realm of the emotional roller coaster ride of divorce and different stages of healing, our circumstances can be quite different; however, one of our deeply human needs is for touch and tenderness and love. Additionally,we had all been in vastly different relationships…ones where sex and touch and intimacy was possibly non-existent or infrequent, and ones where there was a sex life but it was full of ideas of performance or embarrassment and possibly shame. Alternatively, some of us may have had a wonderful steamy love life and now it is not there.

For all my Divorced Mom sisters out there, this Valentine’s Day could, indeed, be the first night of the rest of your love life with yourself. YES! YES! YES! It could be incredibly exciting, deeply arousing and amazingly orgasmic!

So here’s a quick 411 on touch. When we receive touch we send deep signals to the body that we are safe and loved and cared for and that all is well. Our body’s natural response to sexual arousal is to relax into joy, love and pleasure. However, our conditioned or learned response can be one of guilt and shame leading to worry and fear.

Just as a nice hot bath can relax the tension in our bodies and calm the mind, so too can self-pleasuring. For those in California with me, no need to waste water by filling your tub to the brim, we can use our fingers and hands and TOUCH ourselves! But let’s assume that we have some hang ups around this.  Here are my 4 Steps To Enjoying V-Day as a Single Mom by experiencing your own touch and creating a wonderful Valentine’s Day Celebration.

1. Create a sense of the sacred – Light a candle and release other’s views and opinions.  I was asked recently by a reader how I had become so comfortable with my body’s ability to enjoy pleasure.  The answer relied heavily on the fact during my divorce, I spent a great deal of time worrying about what others thought about every thing that I did until my worry limit maxed out, and I was able to release what everyone else thought.  So if they didn’t matter, and I did…and I knew that self pleasure created feelings of joy and love in my body, then I knew inside of me that it was, indeed correct.  Therefore, when you light your candle find some words to release the world around you for this short time. Say a prayer of protection or of love and release all of the thoughts arising in your mind that don’t belong in this sacred moment you are creating for yourself.
2. Explore the environment that will allow you to feel the most comfortable. – Will you enjoy yourself in the bathtub or shower, in your bed on top…inside?  Do you want to arouse yourself with images or a mirror?  Perhaps some erotic literature? Will you wear lingerie for yourself, be fully unclothed? Do you have toys that help your arousal,  or oils? Do you experience female ejaculation? If so, prepare with towels or crib pads. Once your intuition guides you, set the stage for your Valentine’s pleasure celebration.
3. Touching with love – As you touch your body in all of the places that you know you love to be touched or long to be touched in a relationship, allow the natural feelings of love and joy to unfurl and spread around you. From your skin to the deeper tissues. As you gently guide yourself to a climax, prepare to hold in your mind a thought or wish or prayer of all that you are meant to be in this life. Let your orgasmic vibration be sent out to the universe allowing  for life to set up circumstances for you that attract towards you all that aligns with this love, joy and freedom. 
4. Honor yourself – When you have finished this portion of your Valentine’s Day Solo extravaganza, be sure to take a moment and honor yourself.  Honor the strength you hold and the immense love that wishes to expand continuously from you. 

In week 8 of my 12 week program Clear Choice Divorce, we cover in more detail the importance of touch and self pleasure during separation and divorce. If you find yourself feeling isolated and in a state of stifled fear due to the opinions of what others hold over you. Join me in this series that will allow you to honor yourself, celebrate your strength, and empower your transformation. 

Enjoy a beautiful morning, afternoon or evening of Valentine’s Day with yourself and your beautiful body that is made so perfectly for the enjoyment of pleasure and the expansion of love, joy and ultimately freedom. Happy Valentine’s Day Divorced Moms!