I wrote an article about sex after divorce that was recently hosted on The Huffington Post divorce vertical. And HOLY WOW the comments section went crazy!
People commenting judged my character and thought they knew exactly what happened in my marriage, how I should’ve fixed it (because obviously I am a terrible person), and that I am this whorish monster for enjoying sex after my divorce.
So, before I get judged again, here’s a little fact for those who made assumptions about what went on in my marriage: I didn’t leave my marriage so that I could go out and have sex(yes, someone actually said that).
As a matter of fact, I didn’t leave my marriage at all. He walked out on our family and I was devastated…but just because he quit our marriage after 12 years, didn’t mean that I had to stop living. It’s called rebuilding your life after divorce. It was my choice to either wallow in the pain and depression of my divorce, which I did for months and wasn’t sure I’d survive, or learn how to live again. I chose to live.
So why are people so quick to cast blame AND shame onto me based on an article I wrote about having sex after my divorce? Is it because I didn’t talk nicely about my ex or the fact that I had the audacity to talk openly about casual sex without being ashamed of it?
A man gets lucky after a divorce and he’s considereda stud or said to be getting on with his life. A woman does it or even talks about it and BAM, she’s a whore who hated being married, just needed an excuse to go have sex with other people, had horrible communication skills, etc, etc, etc. Well, I’m beyond tired of these moronic stereotypes about by MY choices as a strong, independent, fabulously single woman. I’m single, in my 30’s, and I also happen to be a very sexual person with a high libido and not shamed by other’s judgements.
Why does talking about sex make other people so uncomfortable?
Is it because I can openly talk about my sexual experiences without feeling ashamed or embarrassed and some people have never been unable to?
Is it because I can talk about how I can pleasure myself using different sex toys each time, depending on what I’m in the mood for?
Did that make you blush?
Did that make YOU feel embarrassed reading my words just then?
We are not living in the dark ages, and talking about sex and sexuality isn’t going to land you in the guillotine. Why should I be ashamed of my sexuality or hide it from the world? Is it not a part of being incredibly human? Sex is fun…whether you are flying solo or with a partner or having casual sex. It relieves stress and anxiety and it happens to be great exercise!
So what if I’m single and taking advantage of my own sexuality?
Am I supposed to wait until I remarry to have sex again? Am I a tramp because I enjoy sex?
Do I go pick out random men on the street corner to take home and have sex with? No, no, and no. I knew my sexual partner(s) prior to sleeping with them. I have even known one of them (there have been 3) for 25 years.
I was afraid to talk about sex openly because I was afraid of how people would judge me and now that fear has been justified.
Due to the article mentioned before, I was called a slut because I like sex. I was told that I should’ve tried harder in my marriage, I was a horrible mother, that I must’ve been the worst wife ever, that I was a coward, he should have left me sooner, and that people like me will never be happy.
NO!! Not only am I happy and excited about life, I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to live it with a brighter and more positive perspective!
So people can talk about me and judge me however they choose. That’s their choice. I know I made the right choice when I decided to live MY life instead of drowning in the sorrow of the end of my marriage. I’m not going to spend my energy focusing on what went wrong in the marriage, instead I’m going to focus on the lessons learned and take them with me as I move forward.
And in doing this, and sharing my life with others, I’m trying to let divorced women everywhere know that it’s OK to have sex after a divorce and that even if your heart is shattered into a million pieces, I promise that there is light at the end of the divorce tunnel! Been there! Bought the t-shirt! And I survived!
Sex is an important part of life whether you are married, single, or in a relationship. I shouldn’t have to get married or be in a committed relationship in order to have sex with someone as long as we are both on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people who choose to wait, so wouldn’t it be fair to have the same consideration for me in return? It might be a different story if I was hooking on the corner, but I am nothing more than a divorced woman who ***gasp*** LIKES HAVING SEX!
Cowardly? No way in hell, because being myself is the bravest thing I’ve ever done.
preach! i’ve been saying this for the past decade. equality DOES NOT mean putting one sex’s needs over another. feminists have been doing this from i’ve been born. true equality means looking out for each other!
there is nothing wrong with liking sex, my issue with the article is that it gave the impression that you ‘discovered’ these things SINCE your divorce and it made me wonder what was stopping these discoveries while you were with your husband? i’m sure he was no saint himself and probably didnt make it easy for you to be open but you never really gave a clear picture that he was somehow stopping you from being more open and free with your sexuality, so why not experiment with him. of course i don’t know what went on in your marriage and neither do the other commenters but you have to know writing in such a public forum will bring persons with their particular beliefs, perspectives and ideologies and sometimes these come in the form of hateful comments but that comes with the territory. if you’re happy then that’s all that counts
Most of these people will tell a narrative that puts them in the best light
AMEN SISTA!!! I agree 100% with what you said. and hey i am almost 30 in acouple of months too. and that bastard hated sex. everything about our marriage sucked.
my turn too, to start living and being free.doesnt mean i am going to go around being a whore. i am safe, secure, confident. and hell with what you all say. I think this is great!
AMEN SISTA!!! I agree 100% with what you said. and hey i am almost 30 in acouple of months too. and that bastard hated sex. everything about our marriage sucked.
my turn too, to start living and being free.doesnt mean i am going to go around being a whore. i am safe, secure, confident. and hell with what you all say. I think this is great!
you whore
As long as it doesn’t hurt any one, it is your life and enjoy it. Just try this out http://5ea97zmkiyfy6t78pqqln7m7lz.hop.clickbank.net/
Another complete narcissist of a “single mom”. Another prime example of the destruction of the family by selfish, greedy women, who never learned to be a genuine partner in anything.
Well said. Why is that most single moms has I’m a victim mentality. It takes two to destroy a marriage.
No, it doesn’t take two to destroy a marriage. Face it, there are some things that people manage to do all on their own. They may want to point fingers and blame others BUT, one person can easily destroy a marriage with no help from their spouse at all. I’m sure there are many, many, many men out there who would like to be able to say his wife forced him into the arms of another woman but, sorry, that choice is on him.
I’m a divorce man, it been a year and half. If your husband gets up.and leaves. You have the right have much sex you want. My situation soon as my wife seperated from me.. she was Already partying and having sex, right away. I think she should already divorce me first, than move on, we had a 2 year old still to raise. The whole year my ex wife drank, drove, and and plenty sex. She was 38 acting like she’s 21 again. I’m so ashamed my ex wife acted like that. Only thing I can do is move on. I burned every family photo we had together. Plus all my personal stuff. Sold my truck.have half. Could not surive finicial by myself. It was and is a complete mess. Divorce just ruins families… Best way for me to get over it was forget everything from the pass with my ex wife. I wish she would get rid of my last name too.. I Will.never have respect for her, she has no class and still a how.. partying more important than her kids.