How many days or nights have I sat and thought about that word; “infidelity” over the past 20 years since my divorce?
Webster’s Dictionary defines it as the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse. You never think that word will ever be introduced into your life.
But when it is, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
The Anatomy Of Infidelity
My husband was unfaithful throughout most of my marriage to him. Though I didn’t know until after I finally caught him at year 10 upon which we sought counselling and reconciled and then again at year 13 and by then I had been through quite enough, thank you.
I had just had our second child and 4 weeks into being a mother to our baby girl, I found out that he had been having an affair with a woman for a long time.
Actually, all throughout my pregnancy apparently and earlier. But really, he was having affairs and flings throughout our entire relationship. Even when I was in college.
He drove down to San Diego to tell me that he had been unfaithful. I had been dating him for about a month, so I really didn’t care. I didn’t even really know him. I remember telling my roommates how weird I thought it was that he drove all the way down from LA to tell me this when I didn’t even know him that well.
They thought it was sweet and a sign that he really did care and respected me. I still contended that I thought it was weird, but I pretended that it mattered to me just so he wouldn’t feel completely stupid for driving all the way down on a weeknight to tell me this.
I had met him the summer before I was starting college in San Diego. San Diego State University, a mere smorgasbord of good-looking guys.
I had no intention of focusing solely on him anyway. But he was a triathlete and I was intrigued by him and his self-discipline as he fine-tuned and calibrated his body to perform in competitions throughout the year.
Over time, I did fall in love and I looked forward to our weekends when he would ride his bike down from LA to San Diego. I would pick him up in La Jolla and he would literally fall onto the couch and sleep until he felt recovered enough to go out on a date.
I stopped noticing the amazing looking guys at school and fell hard for him and I transferred back to a school in L.A. so we could see each other more. God, I look back at that and see mistake number one. I should have gone with my gut and not listened to my roommates.
Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.
Unknown
By the time I had graduated from college, we had been dating for over 4 years. My parents gave me a trip to England for graduation and when I came home, I was restless. My three best friends were all getting married, so I put a gun to his head and said that the world was at my fingertips and it was now or never if we were to ever get married.
He looked at me and said with very little energy in his voice, “okay”. That was mistake number two.
The proposal was not initiated from his heart. It was initiated by the imaginary gun I had pointed to his temple. In his obligatory way, he surrendered. I look back at that now and think I was robbed of the proposal I should have gotten from a man who really did love me.
Probably one of the good-looking guys at SDSU! After we were married for about two years, he wanted to go to Croatia with his friend to see where his father was born and meet some of his long-lost relatives.
We couldn’t afford both of us to go and I supported his visit because it was his heritage. Little did I know the trip would be the real beginning of a marriage filled with infidelity right under my nose but because we were married and I had the model of my parents’ marriage in my head, I had no idea what things he was getting into.
Or what I was getting into. The friend he was traveling with was cheating on his wife and so he, being the Yoda to my husband’s Luke Skywalker, had to introduce him to his class of “How to have your cake and eat it too all while seeing Europe in 20 days”.
It wasn’t until after my divorce that I found out that they had been cheating with random women throughout their travels. I also found out that he had a fling with this friend’s sister in law a week before my wedding. And she was an attendee of our wedding! Oh, and that friend?
Well, how ironic that he ended up being the Godfather to our son; our firstborn.
Man, you can’t make this stuff up and some people really can live with themselves after committing crimes of the heart and aiding his Godson’s father to keep on cheating. He was his biggest cheerleader and the two friends had much in common.
I’m sure this noble Godfather looked at himself as a good man through his own lens. Thank God all these years later, he has made no impression whatsoever on my son who is a better man then that guy will ever be. Oh, and his wife? Well, they are still married.
She just still looks the other way as he travels around with other women. I don’t want to make a judgment on her. She has the right to do what she feels is right for her.
I am not of her culture or thinking. When I discovered that my husband had been having a long-term affair at year 13, you could bet that his pal was front and center right there with him. Cheering him on as he conspired to help him deceive his wife and two children. One of which was his Godson.
We’d forgive most things if we knew the facts.”
Graham Greene
As you can see infidelity became a way of life for my husband. And slowly but surely it became a way of life for me as well. Only for me, it was by way of ignorance and naivete.
I always hoped to convince myself that he would be faithful to his family. I always hoped that no woman would ever steal him from me; from us. But on both counts, I was dead wrong.
So, what is at the heart of the matter with infidelity?
Why do people cheat on their spouses?
Their children?
Why are these people filled with such discontent and dis-ease and insecurities?
And who on earth are “the other” people who accept these frauds into their lives and sometimes, their families?
I have spent time thinking about this because I am wired to want to know the answers. I am wired to seek to know what is behind this.
I want to know the real heart of this issue.
What is at the heart of infidelity?
Does it start in childhood? Does it start at adolescence?
Is it at the beginning of a bad relationship that just had no chance but kept on going all in the name of, “oh well”?
In my ex-husband’s case I think the heart of his matter had been an overbearing mother that developed into disrespect for women. A disdain that was manifested in infidelity.
His mother was a good woman in her own way. The culture my ex-husband was raised in was one that men are exalted, and women are an annoyance. But when he left his family which included his 4-week-old daughter, another telltale sign of disrespect for women, it was his mother that welcomed him home with open arms.
It was almost as if she was celebrating his arrival back to her womb. He returned to the woman who had no expectations on him. She didn’t expect him to be a man and deal with being a grown-up.
She was just happy to have her little boy home again.
So, did this feeling of dis-ease start with the mother? If so, did she know of her aiding and abetting? I know she never meant to hurt me.
I believed she always loved me, but her obligations to her son outweighed her sense of decency and compassion towards me. Thus, infidelity was introduced as an unwelcome word in her life too.
Maybe the genesis of a person committing infidelity is just due to living a life of want. Always wanting what someone else has. Maybe he saw freedom outside the picket fence of our home and that was a pull far stronger than any 4-week-old baby and 4-year-old boy inside the fence.
Or maybe his hatred for me was what drove him to this.
Maybe he didn’t like that I was a woman with a career that demanded periodic travel throughout the year. I was seeing the world as he was going to the same job every day that didn’t offer him any variety. The lure of a woman who didn’t work and who was a homemaker is what he knew. His mother never worked. My mother was dedicated to her career, a career my father supported totally, so my model was much different than his.
So maybe one, all, or none of these reasons is at the nucleus of the offense. It is fascinating to be outside of the eye of the hurricane 20 years later and breathe through the possible reasons why this word was so prominent in my life and remains prominent in our society with such a high divorce rate.
The national divorce rate is 40%. The divorce rate in California is 60%, so basically, as residents of California, we are a roll of the dice here in these parts!
Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.
Brene Brown
Since my divorce 20 years ago, I have wondered if the cheaters who introduce infidelity into our lives live with any shame? Or do the victims of the infidelity take it and carry it on only to now fully reside into their lives.
Those of us who have been a victim to spousal cheating find ourselves living with an intensely painful feeling that we are now unworthy of love and commitment from someone and we are left to contend with the deeper meanings of it all. The result is the shame you feel by being unlovable and your husband being “steal-able”.
I think it’s funny that the people who are unfaithful by committing the acts of infidelity on their spouses and children are proficient in living their daily lives with a huge secret. But on the day that the secret finally sees the light the day, they are emancipated in their openness only for the secret to now be quietly handed to the victims of the infidelity to carry.
The remaining family members are now consumed with shame and embarrassment that our husband and father betrayed us. As the wronged wife, you don’t want anyone to know this has happened, so they don’t judge you by thinking you were blind or ignorant.
I had many people say to me. “How did you not know!?” My response was, “It happens when you’re a full-time working mother who just had a baby. I was a little busy.”
But the saddest thing is that our children are also asked to carry their secret too. Because the last thing they want to face is that their dad left their mom and thus, left them too and they do not want their friends to know this truth about him.
So, they just don’t talk about it. And when someone asks them, they play it down as much as possible. My children are now 20 and 24 and I notice they still do this.
Compulsive Desire + Excuses and Rationalization + Willingness to Deceive + Opportunity = AFFAIR!
You may have noticed that I didn’t title this article, “Anatomy of an Adulterer”. I hate that word. It is a cop-out me. It also is an oxymoron in my opinion.
“Adult”- ery. Think about it. A real adult person who can decipher between right and wrong, good and bad, faithful and unfaithful is not given a permission slip to be an adulterer.
And the usual suspect is someone who can’t grow up, face responsibly and wants to run away from home! And the usual co-conspirator in the equation is a woman who wants to save him and be the mother they always wanted.
Good grief! They are meant for each other! But they are far from acting like adults! Enough said on that.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Maya Angelou
So, what is the last lesson in all of this for me?
What do I know now that I didn’t know while I was in the storm, married to a man capable of deep infidelities?
Did I subconsciously deny what was happening all along?
Did I miss a million clues that presented themselves to me in the 14 years I was married to him and the 19 years I knew him?
Probably.
After all, he did show me who he was when he showed up at my apartment door in college to tell me he had cheated on me well before we had even started our relationship.
How long had I been sleeping?
And as I asked earlier, what kind of woman accepts a man who leaves an infant?
Well, here is what I have concluded. The last lesson is that it was never about me. It was always him and his demons. And I would assume it was about her and her demons as well. I look at them now as two lost souls who came together under the shroud of secrecy and at the expense of three people that did love him unconditionally.
But I am not burdened with that task any longer. Our children are his most valuable parting gift from me because they do continue to love him unconditionally. I don’t know if that kind of love is inside of the second marriage, he now finds himself in.
He married the woman and they have been together longer than he was with me now. Maybe he grew or just grew up. Maybe he sees the value of family and the sacredness of a wife now.
Or maybe he has never rehabilitated himself and she is his new easy target. I somewhat doubt it because she went into that relationship with a lot of information. I only hope that he has indeed improved his situation of “dis-ease” or “discontent” because we three were a high price to pay and he still has two young adults watching him and his actions still make impressions on them.
So, I suppose the closing arguments for the case of infidelity is that two people who had differing ways of approaching commitment had two very different relationships with each other. And he will never know what I loved in him and I will never know what he loved in me. And that will have to be the last piece on the definition of Infidelity as far as I am concerned.
Dear Karen, We get better as we get older! In my opinion, I think you should drop the UGh! After you tell us that your 60. That’s great, I think that is great! How many years we are alive is out of our control so, there is no use stressing over it. Sometimes I like to say I am on level 40 instead of 40 years old just for fun. 🙂 Your article was very deep, insightful.Thank you! Bless
Thank you Carol and point well taken. You are right! There is no “Ugh” necessary. I like my age and when I wrote that it was the first time I had, so it sort of shocked me. Thank you for your kind words.
I read your article, Karen, and I am struck by your insight and honesty about the situation you found yourself in. I applaud you for the strength you have shown over your lifetime, especially since becoming a mother. What a gift you gave to your children. You have demonstrated to your son the importance of and how to respect women, and you have shown your daughter how to command that same respect from men. You have done that through your actions, over and over again. How fortunate they are to have you as a central figure in their lives, regardless of what they feel about their dad. I think your own parents’ marriage ultimately showed you the sacrifice that people in loving relationships make for one another, and you wanted out of a relationship which (you learned) was never going to give you that. Plus, what a beautiful and wise woman you have become–age is just a number.
Best,
Georganne
20 years later and you’re still regurgitating this? You might want to see someone.
Sharon, what an ugly human being you are. I’m sure you’re the type who screws around with married men and doesn’t feel the least bit guilty about it. Karma is real and she’s coming for you. Hope she is swift!!
Are you thst other woman?
@Sharon
What is it that offends you so personally? This is my experience and though 20 years later that is what a traumatic experience can do. That is how I have reacted. There is nothing to warrant such another harsh comment from you. I know you are friends or even married to my ex husband. Please don’t bash me or any other woman on this site.
You have EVERY RIGHT to FEEL however you want. For another person to so much as even “Suggest” that you should “See Someone” and/or make ANY OTHER such RUDE comments shows exactly what kind of “CHARACTER” that individual possesses. My ex-husband left me over 4 yrs ago now and I’d been with him since we’d been 17 & 18 yrs old and have 2 children together. He eventually ended up MARRYING the exact same “MISTRESS” that I had caught him with 6 weeks after he’d moved out. He gave me LESS than 12 hrs. to process the fact that he’d chosen to leave me which ended leaving me both EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY distraught for MONTHS afterwards. Not to mention the fact that I’d actually caught him and his mistress together IN PERSON one evening when I’d decided to go to his apartment on a whim and try to talk to him about coming back home. I KNOW that I suffered (And STILL DO SUFFER) from PTSD due to that whole experience. During our divorce (Which took almost 2 yrs) he’d have her come with him to our kids schools for concerts and such which I eventually TRIED to have STOPPED due to the PTSD symptoms I was suffering from at the time. I had made a request to my attorney that something be put IN WRITING that stated SHE not be allowed to accompany MY HUSBAND (We weren’t yet DIVORCED) to school events and/or concerts and whatnot until our divorce was FINALIZED due to the simple fact that not only were we STILL MARRIED….but it also created awkwardness for my kids and undo stress that they just DIDN’T NEED in their lives as they’d already dealt with ENOUGH as it was. Plus….it obviously would trigger my PTSD when I’d see HER and HIM together walking into the school and/or wherever else they’d go together where “I” was also. My attorney ended up telling me there was really NOTHING that he could do UNLESS I were able to get a doctor (Psychologist) to diagnose me as suffering from actual PTSD. Well, even after telling the psychologist EVERYTHING that I DID…..she looked me square in the face and said “I don’t think it’s PTSD you’re actually suffering from….but probably more along the lines of something called “Adjustment Disorder”. I honestly just wanted to CRY and jump out her office window at the point. I just couldn’t understand WHY it felt as though EVERYONE was AGAINST ME during that whole process. Was it because my ex-husband was the sole bread winner and had/has a very good paying job? Was it because I’m a recovering Opioid addict (Had been SOBER/CLEAN for 5 yrs already), Was it because I’d been blessed enough to have had a husband that made enough to sustain us so I was then able to be a SAHM and be with my kids 24/7 vs. have to put them in daycare and work 40+ hrs a week only to make enough to basically cover the daycare costs? I just HONESTLY didn’t know WHY it seemed as though EVERYONE was attacking me. And although it’s been over 4 yrs already….I just want you to know that you’re NOT ALONE and that I TOO still rehash that part of my life….and probably a little MORE than I SHOULD and/or than people care for….but ya know what??? I DON’T GIVE RATS A**”!!!!!! They can either sit there and LISTEN and be SUPPORTIVE of me and the ways in which I go about MY OWN personal HEALING PROCESS….or they can LEAVE!!!! That reminds me….something my ex-husband had texted me only 6 months after he’d left was “You need to pull up your big girl panties and MOVE ON already”. I just COULDN’T BELIEVE that someone who I’d spent almost 22 yrs with (18.5 of those MARRIED) could even say something SO RUDE and INSENSITIVE to me knowing EVERYTHING that I’d not only BEEN THROUGH but was STILL GOING THROUGH!!!! I eventually came to the realization though that there’s a GOOD REASON that God allowed my ex-husband to LEAVE and DO what he did….because God KNOWS BEST and He knows that I DESERVE THE BEST and that my now EX-HUSBAND obviously WASN’T THE BEST….at least NOT FOR ME!!!!! We (As in ALL OF US) deserve to be LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY and treated like actual HUMAN BEINGS!!!! I wish you the best and I’m sorry there are such RUDE, INSENTIVE people like there are. Just know that we’re not ALL like that.
Karen – You are a rock star and don’t you let anyone make you feel differently! I am only 4 years out from my personal d-day and I can honestly say that the feelings from betrayal will never be forgotten and will continue to be a punch in the gut no matter how many years have passed. Writing about what you experienced is super helpful for others who are going through similar situations and I, personally, found solace in your words. You have a beautiful way of articulating your feelings and I thank you for your post. My ex married his ho, Bambi is what I shall name her, and she is extremely narcissistic and self-righteous to the point of believing she did nothing wrong. I am certain that is the Koolaid they are both serving my sons (22&25). It’s also difficult knowing my sons have a totally separate life that I am not privy to and are making family memories without me. And the monumental occasions that I so looked forward to (weddings, grandchildren) will now be painful due to Asswipe and Bambi’s involvement. I only hope Karma is swift in her punishment for them both. But I hope you, Karen, continue to write because you are awesome at it!
Thank you Paula! I am pretty sure “Sharon”’is my ex husbands current wife. I am not angry at her. I am sorry for her. Really. But thank you for your supportive comments. My one and only goal is to help any woman who has experienced this really hard reality. Infidelity is cold and cruel. And it isn’t easily healed. But 8 can look at myself in the mirror much easier than those who cheated on their spouses. All good friend! Stay well!
Karen, thank you for your story. Like you, I have been divorced 20 years My ex and I are both in our late 70’s and were married 32 years before the divorce date of May1, 2000. My ex also met his “Sharon Kaye” at work at the general mail facility where he worked as a clerk on the loading dock. Kaye was a mail clerk driver and married. Soon they were madly in “Lust.” He thought he was in love and had no desire for me anymore. They lived together a couple of years and got married in 2001. The marriage lasted 8 years until Kaye met Billy who was ten years younger than she and left his wife for her. They also married.
The ex was devastated when this happened and told me he was aso sorry for what he put me through but he still cared for her. In the years since, we have talked since we have an adopted daughter who is in her late forties. We actually have dinner together on Thanksgiving and Christmas with our daughter and grandchildren.
During our marriage, my ex loved to put me down as I, like you, had completed college and had more education. He always loved to put me down because of “my lack of common sense” as he was the blessed one. The little Napolean type “badass wanna be: feels he has to intimidate the women in his life. (Me, Kaye, and another invovlement are no longer there). I have moved, on and retired from teaching, dated some, been to Europe twice and several other trips inside he US. Now he is suddenly concerned, driven by my house a couple of times, chewed me out for forgetting to close my garage door (Girl, you better get your head outta your ass and answer my calls). I ended this telephone call with “Why are you caring now.” This last exchange has changed my whole outlook completely and I now know how lucky I am to be rid of him.
And for the Sharon in your case. “Honey, you better watch out! Karma does come, Sharon Kaye now has dementia.
I’d love to hear how you processed this event in your mid to late 50s… I assume since it’s been 20 years. My d-day was four years ago at age 53 going on 54; he was 59 going on 60… AP was 49… 12 years younger than him and five younger than me. I’ve kicked, screamed, cried, therapied and couples counseling my way to survival and growth. Best resource …. Al Anon to detach with love from what he did to me, to us, to our kids and our future. I will file for divorce in 2021 if he doesn’t. Do you have any tips for divorcing in your 50s? He’s been primary bread winner… we have one adult independent child and one almost 18 year old HS grad with disability. Any tips would be welcome. Emotional or practical. I don’t hate him or feel the devastation like I did for the first three years but I’ll never trust him like I did and why be married to someone you don’t trust? Thanks for what you wrote here. I want to move on and live a good life… without him and stand on my own two feet. And thanks Karen too for this article… in the end…who cares why they cheated… their moms, their history, their choices, their weaknesses… it’s all on them. Live your best life because even the longest life is very short. Be well to all and may your 2021 be filled with safety, serenity and sweetness to yourself and those you love and care about.
Hi Molly! Thank you for your kind words. It has indeed been a process no doubt. I have been a single mother through my 40’s and 50’s. Never in my wildest fears did I think that when I had these two wonderful kids that I would be raising them alone. I just didn’t give birth to them and say, Hot Diggity! I cant wait to be a single mom!” My tips to you are always find your core. In my case I had to really find myself again. I had no idea how much of myself was lost in pleasing this man. He was a workout. He wasn’t a bad man really. He just was so complicated to the point that he lived a secret life. He didn’t love himself and I guess he had to make me feel as unloved as he felt for himself. And as has happened with you, one day you just realize how much you do like yourself again. And how lucky you are that you are okay with your own company. I do get lonely from time to time. But I always knew I was never just going to settle for someone just because I was lonely. It sounds like you and I have shared values. When we said, “I do'” we meant it. In their case, the I do meant so many opposite things. In their case, Their I dos were: I do think I will cheat on my wife. I do think I will throw my family away. I do think I will find a shallow woman who has an even lower self esteem than mine in order to settle for a guy like yours and my ex-husbands. So, the moral of the story is that these women who in a moment of victory will reach an age one day when they will see in full light who they are and what they indeed settled for. Both in a man and in themselves. I still have hard days as I continue to raise my family until my youngest has graduated from college. And even then, my home is always my children’s home to find unconditional love in. Our ex-husbands had that too a long time ago. What fools they were to lose it. Single moms who have become so due to infidelity are Rock Stars. WE just have to push through so much and put our broken hearts in the drawer in order to manage what is on our shoulders. But my advice to you is open that drawer one day and really face that broken heart. I did. As you saw on this post, there was a woman who was either a friend of my ex-husband or the actual woman he left me for. I will never know. But she sat in judgement of me for addressing my experience so many years later. It was a result of my opening the drawer. I am glad I did. It as time. To this day I have never met the woman. I have no need. She is too low class to even care. I had an amazing mother who showed me what dignity, class, grace, strength and integrity look like. A woman who choses to be in an affair or even steal a man from a young family must have had a weak mother figure. And for that I am sorry for her. I believe she would have a happier life if she had self confidence and self loved instilled in her at an early age. Perhaps knowing she was not the vehicle to destroy a family. To take a father away from a 4 week old baby girl and a 4 year old little boy, well that has to be a lot to live with. And maybe one day she will open her own drawer and address her own whys. But for now, you and I will keep moving forward with our heads up and in the brightest light of day! We’ve earned it! Best of luck to you Molly!
It’s been a Roller coaster for sure Martha. At the end of the day we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say with great certainty we did the best we could do. And unlike the women who lower themselves to the level of concubine they never do feel complete peace in their souls. They broke up a family and that’s a lot to live with. The only promise he kept to me was when I told him to promise he would never leave her only to have put my children and I through all that for nothing. They are still together. Stay strong Martha!
Always rooting for you Karen..
My exhusband leaving me was the best thing that could have happened to me. At the time it was hard, but 13 years later, my life is great.
I ended up marrying a tall, handsome, and successful man. He is also patient and kind. He is my best friend and we have a great life filled with many adventures. I only found him after his first wife didn’t realize what a gem he was and had an affair on him. Karma hit her though, she has never put up with her.
My ex is now a morbidly obese man who has a wife who has had affairs on him. She is with him because he supports her and her family. Apparently they argue all of the time.
I think you get in this world what you put out. My husband and I were good people who found each other and found happiness.
It’s been 2.5 yrs since my divorce. I was married almost 17 yrs. when my husband chose to inform me LAST MINUTE that he was in fact “MOVING OUT” the VERY NEXT MORNING!!!! Not to mention the fact that he’d been conspiring to move out for 6 months already (If not LONGER). He somehow managed to save up $3,600 behind my back so he could “Afford” an apartment. His excuse for having waited until the LAST MINUTE to tell me he was leaving was that he didn’t want our kids to have to be around any “Drama” and/or “Dysfunction” their last couple months of school….so he instead waited to move out on what was their 1st day of SUMMER BREAK. Talk about a great way to start your 8 and 11 year old’s summer break. I don’t mean to ramble….but I’ve just had a difficult time forgiving him….not just for what he put “ME” through….but what our poor kids had to go through as well. It just WASN’T/ISN’T FAIR to them!!!! They DESERVED BETTER!!! Just 6 weeks into what was supposed to be just a “TRIAL SEPARATION”….I caught him with another woman. He’d PROMISED ME in the beginning that he WASN’T leaving because he’d found someone else and said there WASN’T someone else. Well…..DEEP DOWN I just KNEW better than that!!! I could feel it in my gut….just like people say you can. A woman’s intuition is RARELY EVER WRONG!!!! It’s one thing to be “Paranoid” about the possibility that your spouse could be having an affair only to learn that they AREN’T….but it’s another thing when your spouse has somewhat of a HISTORY of having been UNFAITHFUL. All I can say is that I believe I did EVERYTHING in my power to save our marriage…be it reading self-help books on the subject, attempted counseling on numerous occasions, etc. and nothing helped and/mattered. He’d already made up his mind and had been behaving differently towards me for MONTHS prior to moving out. He was extremely distant towards me and didn’t really interact with our kids in the same ways that he normally would/did. He stopped calling me “HONEY” and would instead just say my name, never wanted sex anymore, wouldn’t ask me to go run errands with him anymore and would be gone for HOURS when he DID go somewhere. I think towards the end….I’d just become “NUMB” towards all of it and had more or less convinced myself that he was possibly just having his own little “MID-LIFE CRISIS” and didn’t want me to know about it.
It’s been over 4 yrs. now since he left. He ended up MARRYING the so called “Mistress” in August 2019 (Last year) and they’ve since purchased a home together, adopted 3 dogs, purchased 2 newer vehicles, etc. And to think that my HORRIBLE divorce attorney tried convincing me during the divorce that the whole process was financially destroying my soon to be ex-husband (Which I knew was a crock of crap). It probably didn’t help that MY attorney happened to be good friends with HIS attorney (Which I WASN’T aware of when I hired him). I’m sure he was fed an ear full by my ex-husband’s attorney throughout the whole process which only ended up making “ME” look like the “BAD GUY” and my ex-husband as the VICTIM. I could honestly write a BOOK about the entire thing because as far as divorces go….my ex-husband chose to DRAG IT OUT and in the meantime did WHATEVER HE COULD to present “ME” as being some sort of “MONSTER” to the courts. Long story short….I ended up having my kids TAKEN from me and had to go 3 LONG MONTHS without even being able to have them OVERNIGHT and could only see them 3 times a week for 4 hours each time and it basically had to be whenever MY EX agreed to it with NO REGARD to what MY SCHEDULE allowed. It was all just one big NIGHTMARE and I’m glad it’s OVER and DONE WITH!!!! Like they say….you never know WHO you married until you DIVORCE them….isn’t that the truth!!! Thanks for letting me rant though.