The narcissistic co-parent, if given enough rope will hang himself.
Pathological lying is the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist. They lie out of their need to manipulate and control. The narcissist lies by making things up and by leaving things out – and he does it all in amazing detail. Some believe the narcissist lies because he believes the lie, but I disagree. I think that a narcissist lies all the time because it’s an easy way to devastate the recipient and because lying allows the narcissist/sociopath to recreate himself at will and on a whim.
Thus, creating an environment where he can always be giving himself props for getting away with something. To a narcissist, lying is just like faking emotions. A means to an end.
He’ll lie so much about so many things that your head will spin.
Victims who want and or need the torture to stop but still must deal with co-parenting issues are left to their own devices without one of the privileges that many other victims may take for granted. As a victim who co-parents, how do you block a phone number, move away, refuse to answer the door, blow off the in-laws, and so forth when children are involved?
How do you flat out refuse to communicate with a parent that the children have been duped into loving? How do you deal with the fact that the narcissist talks bad about you to the kids and you can’t even defend yourself because you no longer live there and are not present in these situations? It is abusive to children to put them through this with any parent and it will end up doing damage to them in the long run if not immediately dealt with.
Because the narcissist is not a normal human, he or she is going to use the children as a narcissistic tactic and weapon of choice to cut you to the very bone.
Since the narcissist has no conscience, dragging the children into the dirt is nothing and for them the easiest way to hurt you. As they know the children mean the most to you, not to them, unfortunately. The narcissist will use every excuse in the book pertaining to the children to intrude upon your new life. At some point, the narcissist may even threaten you either with a call to child protective services or by saying that he simply won’t be bringing them back.
And this is how far my husband was willing to play our children against me throughout our marriage, to the max during our long drawn out divorce and throughout the child custody battle, one in which he was not willing to lose.
Do not worry about and/or feed into the enormous amount of trash-talking going on behind your back. In fact, say nothing and simply observe, allowing the narcissist to talk trash about mommy (or daddy) all day long if he or she wants to. Sit quietly on the sidelines while the narcissist digs his own parental grave – and he will dig it because he just won’t be able to help himself. Take comfort in the fact that children are strong, resilient, and smart. They will grow up one day and see the narcissist parent for what he is, and you will come out the winner. The mask always slips and that’s a fact.
I did not see my own mother for the narcissist she is until I was almost forty and having completely severed all ties with the non-narcissistic parent for years if not most of my life. I did not want this to be the case for my children. I would not allow this abuse to hurt them the way it did me my entire life.