One of the most popular blog posts on this site is 5 Tell-Tale Signs You’re Being Used by a Man. Sadly, I’m not surprised by this. There are men, and women, out there whose sole purpose in life is to see how many people they can pick up – and subsequently dump.
Why dump? Because they aren’t in this for a relationship. It’s all about the quest.
Oh, sure, some do think they’re in it to find a relationship. That’s why I have two categories for these types of men – losers and users. The users are what many call players and they are just in it for the sport of picking up women.
Losers genuinely think they want a relationship but for one reason or another, are incapable of truly committing.
Why are you attracting losers into your life?
You Attract People Similar to Yourself
This goes against the old cliché, opposites attract. A confident, happy man will seek out a happy, confident woman. An unhappy man with low self-esteem and low confidence will seek out a similar woman.
A confident man will never purposefully seek out a woman with low self-esteem and confidence. People don’t want to be around others who bring them down.
Rather than accepting every date request that comes along, be discerning. Choose men carefully. It’s okay to date a guy once or twice to figure out what kind of man he is but this doesn’t mean you’ve committed to a relationship.
Your Body Language Screams Date Me (to a low-Confidence Man)
Does your body language say “date me?”
How can a man tell you’ve got low confidence? It’s in how you dress. Your clothing probably is not flattering to your body. You may feel self-conscious about that little bit of belly you have from becoming a mom so you wear baggy clothing. It might be in how you walk.
Do you keep your head up, smiling at others when they walk by or do you spend your time looking at the floor? Do you take time to make your hair look like you care? Are your shoulders slouched or do you walk tall?
All of this, plus how you act, tell a guy all about your self-confidence without him even saying a word to you.
You Don’t Have Boundaries
If you do meet a loser or a user, you will allow him to walk all over you. You will probably cave to his desire to have sex with you way too soon in the relationship. You completely cave to anything he wants without any regard for your own values.
You drop Everything when He Calls
Are you waiting for his call?
Mr. Supposedly Wonderful calls and asks you out for a date that night. You’ve got plans but you drop them in an instant to be with him. Let me tell you something.
If Mr. Supposedly Wonderful is calling you at the last minute, he either had other plans that got canceled and he’s looking for a last-minute hookup or he doesn’t value you or your time and assumes you’re always available to him.
How do You STOP Attracting Losers Into Your Life?
Take a Dating Break
If you feel like the only guys you attract are losers and users, it’s time for a dating break. You’re just on a hamster wheel of dating right now where you date a loser, get dumped and find another.
You’re frustrated and stuck on an endless cycle of dating the wrong men. It’s time to re-evaluate and recharge.
Get Your Confidence Back Up
Life beats us down. Dating loser after loser beats us down further. You begin to feel like a failure. Many women I coach tell me they feel a high level of confidence professionally but low confidence when it comes to dating.
Get back your confidence!
This is due to all of the negative experiences you’ve had and the verbal or mental abuse you’ve received from these losers throughout the years.
I have a great tool for you to build your confidence back up! Comfortable in Your Own Shoes is my confidence book for women. It’s written just for you to help you dig out of the rut of negativity you’ve got in your life.
Look at dating not as steps to the altar but as a process to learn more about a man. Likewise, don’t share your entire life’s story in 3 minutes or less. Reveal new things about yourself each time you get together. This keeps things interesting and exciting.
Decide What Type of Guy You Really Want
Rather than accepting every date request that comes along, be discerning. Choose men carefully. It’s okay to date a guy once or twice to figure out what kind of man he is but this doesn’t mean you’ve committed to a relationship.
Women get frustrated when men flake after a couple of dates but what is happening is that the man simply decides he’s not interested. Since you’re not in a relationship yet, he doesn’t feel he owes you anything, including an explanation. You are free to do the same.
Don’t Get Invested too Fast
Women tend to go all-in when they meet a man. One date where you feel chemistry and you’re buying copies of The Knot and looking for a wedding dress. Slow down and get to know him. This means no sex for a while.
A player will want one thing out of you – sex. While all men want to have sex with the women they date, they do value you more if you make them wait and earn it.
Only you know how long is long enough, but I can tell you it’s not in the first 10 dates. It takes this long to truly figure out whether this is a man who is worthy of you allowing sex.
Slow things down
Slow thing down and enjoy the ride!
Look at dating not as steps to the altar but as a process to learn more about a man. Likewise, don’t share your entire life’s story in 3 minutes or less. Reveal new things about yourself each time you get together. This keeps things interesting and exciting.
Become the Person You Want to Attract
If you want a man who values community, get involved in your community. P.S. this is probably where you’ll also meet him! If you want a man who’s into animal rights, get involved in that.
If you want someone who is compassionate, be compassionate. Remember, earlier I said like attracts like. You need to become the man you want to date – except prettier and better-smelling!
Conclusion
If you’re reading this article, you needed the advice. While it’s difficult to look at ourselves in the mirror and examine what might be wrong with our approach, that’s what needs to be done.
In order to improve your dating life, you need to take an honest look at what you’re doing to attract these losers. What positive changes do you need to make in your life in order to attract winners?
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